2013: A Year in Review and New Year’s Eve Thoughts

Christmas is over, and I (barely) survived.  Every year I say that I am not going to let myself get burnt out from the season, and every year I end up stumbling around in my jammies until all hours of the day wondering what the hell just happened.

In addition to some holiday drama, there were a few things that made this Christmas season especially challenging.

We sold our home.

We moved into myparents’ house.

We moved into our newhome.

We celebrated 10 years of marriage.

The kids have had some trouble adjusting to all of the newness.

I also started a new job and created 2 new courses which made me realize that I am no longer a full-time stay-at-home-mom.

I presented at the Rochester Writers’ Conference.

I’ve been on Live in theD Moms’ Panel.

Basically, 2013 was all about transition.

Most of these things are wonderful opportunities for which we are grateful. But I am not going to lie; it was a lot of hard work.  It wasn’t like we waved our magic wand, and suddenly we had a new house or a new course appeared.

We pushed ourselves in a lot of ways, and I feel proud of what we accomplished, but I am exhausted.

Exhausted.

And in the face of all this pushing, I can tell you that I was not very nice to myself. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt as I figured out working part time mostly from home.  I felt responsible for Marie’s difficult transition.

So as I figure out what I want to do for resolutions for next year, I have decided to go with a theme for 2014, which was inspired by The Huffington Post Healthy Living post.

I originally thought “strength,” but that sounded more fitness orientated.  Then I thought “joy,” but I thought that sounded too generic.

Then, as I was folding laundry after going grocery shopping and managing the kids with their screen time, I was struck with this thought: I need to be more kind to myself.

Maybe that looks like sleeping in instead of going for that run.

Maybe that looks like going for that run instead of chilling in front of the TV.

Maybe that looks like cooking a really delicious meal or maybe it is getting take out.

Being creative makes me happy so I think I will finally devote some time to learn how to make iMovies and do that BritCo Skill Share workshop that I signed up for in December.

Being kind to myself requires me to be present and really listen to what I need rather than what I think I can push myself to do.  And that, in and of itself, is a challenge for me. 

I feel that our family has been through a lot of changes, and we could all benefit from a focus on kindness.

Yes, kindness is my theme for 2014.

What are your goals for 2014?  Do you have a theme?  Or are you more of a resolution person?

To Thomas: On Your First Day of Nursery School

Dear Thomas,

Today you start your very first day of Nursery School.  You woke up today so excited that today was The Day.  While we waited for the bus to come pick up Sissy this morning, you proudly told everyone, “Today I go to *my* school.  All by myself.”  And in case the people could not glean the excitement from your voice, you jumped up and down which communicated your statement in bolded, all caps and exclamation points.

Around lunchtime, as we were getting ready to leave, your energy shifted.  You became upset that you couldn’t eat your lunch at school.  I couldn’t tell if you were truly upset that you couldn’t eat your lunch at school, or if it was a diversion from actually going to school.  Daddy magically got you to come to the table and eat your lunch.   I reminded you that I packed the pictures of us in your backpack in case you missed us.  You looked up with those blue eyes and asked if your baby doll, Baby Jammies, could come with you.  I told you, “Of course.”

On the way drive to school, you were quiet.  I asked if you were scared, and you said, “I not scared.  I told you.  Just nervous.”  Pretty articulate for such a little boy.

Which makes me feel confident that you are going to be fine in school.  In fact, I think you are going to be better than fine.  You are going to be terrific!  You have such a great way of communicating your feelings.  You not only use your words, but you use your whole body and face. 

You also know all of your colors, letters (and their sounds), and numbers up to fifteen.  And last week, when I was meeting your teacher, I saw how you listened to her and were not swayed by those who were having a hard time sitting still in circle time. 

All your nervous feelings melted away once we got to school.  You were back to being excited.  I watched you as you hung up your backpack by your symbol that you chose last week and went to find the monster trucks.  No tears.  No nothing.

Today is The Day!

Thomas, you are going to rock nursery school this year!  Since you already have a lot covered before you even began school, I just want to tell you this:  that little voice that tells you right from wrong – listen to that.  Always.  We are going to be apart for four hours a week, and you won’t be able to look at me with those part curious, part mischievous eyes for an answer of what you should or should not be doing.  Listen to that little voice, and remember to always practice kindness.  There are a lot of people out there that don’t value the importance of kindness.  Give those people space because they like to make everyone around them feel small and sad. 

And you don’t deserve that.  You deserve to be around kind people that shine from in the inside.  Just like you.  You have an amazing light that shines from you.

My wish is for you to always have that light that shines from within.

I love you forever,

Mommy

To Marie: On Your First Day of First Grade

Dear Marie,

Today is your first day of first grade.  You’ve been wanting to go back for weeks now, and today is the day.  You are so excited that you have been making a fact book about London and Olympics for your teacher since watching everything Olympics (including past highlights from Beijing and Greece) was one of your favorite things this summer.

You are ready.

And you are going to rock.

To say you have a handle on reading and writing is an understatement.  Seriously, you could read, write, and create all day if I didn’t ask you to break for meals.

So here’s the thing –

Being smart and loving school is such an awesome thing, but don’t ever estimate the value of kindness.  You deserve to be around people who treat you kindly.  And on the flip side, remember the importance of practicing kindness to others.

Remember that girl who said she was your friend one day and then not the next?  Give her another chance this year.  People can change, especially if you haven’t seen them in a while.

But if she pulls these shenanigans again?  Give her the space she needs to figure out what being a true friend is all about.  You don’t deserve that kind of drama.  Ever.

Now, I can’t be there to whisper all these little things in your ear.  But in all honesty, you don’t really need me there because you, Marie, you have an amazing moral compass.  You know right from wrong.

But just keep this one very important point in mind: don’t be afraid to follow your instincts because you fear you might get in trouble or don’t want the attention.

Forget fear.  Just forget it.

Follow your gut, even if you must stand alone.  This is not easy, but let me be clear: fear will dim your light and hid the real you.

And the real you is far too beautiful to be hidden.

Let your light always shine.

 I love you forever,

Mommy