Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Who am I?

I am a current SAHM who is a junior high school teacher drop out. I used to teach English, Spanish, and an intro to French, Spanish, German, and Japanese. I always wanted to stay home with my babies, but being unhappy at my job made it easier to drop out. To be honest, I was burnt out from being a teacher. The school is in an upper-middle class area, and the students are filled with a sense of self-entitlement. Who could blame them? Counselors would ask me to change grades for those who were not happy. Administration would ask me to look the other way if parents lied for their child. I was told I had to teach kids responsibility . . . as long as the parents said it was ok. I was frustrated with the hypocrisy. Anyway, more on that for another post.

I now have two beautiful babes: my daughter, GM, is 3, and my son, NT, is 3 months. Although I love staying home now, I found the life style adjustment difficult which took me by surprise. GM gave me a run for my money. At birth, she was diagnosed with macrocephaly (a scary medical term for a big head) and low tone. We weren’t sure if she had hydrocephaly or cerebral palsy. We were told she wouldn’t walk until she was 2 years old. I spent most of her first year in a state of panic. We worked with a physical therapist and an occupational therapist, and she ended up taking her first steps at 15 months. Her neurosurgeon discharged her at 17 months stating that she was fine, but just has a big head. After I knew she was fine, I fell apart. I had suppressed all my emotions in order to focus on GM’s therapy. Thanks to my family and a wonderful therapist, I was able to pull through a very dark time, and all in enough time to start all over again. NT was born, and it has been a totally different experience. I think having some mommy experience has helped me feel more confident.

So having been married to my college sweetheart for almost 6 years and being a SAHM for 3 years, I struggle to modernize my traditional role; I want to be there for my family but stay in touch with myself. I choose the word struggle because it really is a struggle not to go into the downward spiral of not caring about myself and trying to stay in touch with a world outside of the Disney Channel. There have been times when I have been with my mommy friends, and even though I want to talk about our kids, I also want to talk about what is going on in other parts of our lives. Sometimes my attempts end up in blank stares or interruptions by the kids. Mommy on the Spot is the spot where I can talk about all things mommy related and beyond.

So that is enough about me. Check back soon to read some of my Mommy on the Spot observations on life and motherhood.