2013: A Year in Review and New Year’s Eve Thoughts

Christmas is over, and I (barely) survived.  Every year I say that I am not going to let myself get burnt out from the season, and every year I end up stumbling around in my jammies until all hours of the day wondering what the hell just happened.

In addition to some holiday drama, there were a few things that made this Christmas season especially challenging.

We sold our home.

We moved into myparents’ house.

We moved into our newhome.

We celebrated 10 years of marriage.

The kids have had some trouble adjusting to all of the newness.

I also started a new job and created 2 new courses which made me realize that I am no longer a full-time stay-at-home-mom.

I presented at the Rochester Writers’ Conference.

I’ve been on Live in theD Moms’ Panel.

Basically, 2013 was all about transition.

Most of these things are wonderful opportunities for which we are grateful. But I am not going to lie; it was a lot of hard work.  It wasn’t like we waved our magic wand, and suddenly we had a new house or a new course appeared.

We pushed ourselves in a lot of ways, and I feel proud of what we accomplished, but I am exhausted.

Exhausted.

And in the face of all this pushing, I can tell you that I was not very nice to myself. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt as I figured out working part time mostly from home.  I felt responsible for Marie’s difficult transition.

So as I figure out what I want to do for resolutions for next year, I have decided to go with a theme for 2014, which was inspired by The Huffington Post Healthy Living post.

I originally thought “strength,” but that sounded more fitness orientated.  Then I thought “joy,” but I thought that sounded too generic.

Then, as I was folding laundry after going grocery shopping and managing the kids with their screen time, I was struck with this thought: I need to be more kind to myself.

Maybe that looks like sleeping in instead of going for that run.

Maybe that looks like going for that run instead of chilling in front of the TV.

Maybe that looks like cooking a really delicious meal or maybe it is getting take out.

Being creative makes me happy so I think I will finally devote some time to learn how to make iMovies and do that BritCo Skill Share workshop that I signed up for in December.

Being kind to myself requires me to be present and really listen to what I need rather than what I think I can push myself to do.  And that, in and of itself, is a challenge for me. 

I feel that our family has been through a lot of changes, and we could all benefit from a focus on kindness.

Yes, kindness is my theme for 2014.

What are your goals for 2014?  Do you have a theme?  Or are you more of a resolution person?

My Superbowl Beyonce Halftime Observations

As I’m sure a lot of you did on Sunday,  I made my salty, fatty delicious snacks and sat down for the Superbowl.

And by the Superbowl, I mean I anxiously waited through two quarters of some football game to see Beyonce perform.  Well, that and the commercials.  But I digress.

When she finally appeared on stage, I watched her prance in her leather and lace leotard, and was filled with conflicted feelings.

Deeply conflicted feelings.

As a woman, I loved that she was not stick thin. I mean, you could not deny that she was super hot.  I admired her physical endurance and appreciated the production, as well as all of the woman musicians.  I also thought it was awesome that she shared the stage with the other members of Destiny’s child, a group that helped to bring her to the place that she is now.   

However, the mom side of me dreaded the overtly sexual nature of her performance.  When the “choreographed” routine (and I say “choreographed” in a loose terms) had her rolling on the ground, it reminded me how maybe my Mom felt when she watched Madonna roll (literally roll) on the scene with Borderline record and later Like  Virgin.

Thomas, who is almost four years old, made the very astute observations that Beyonce was not wear pants:

I also watched Marie try to mimic her moves and not the prancing kind.  More like the hips and licking lips kind.  I tried not to throw up in my mouth as I watched in horror.

You know, it’s not as if I am a prude.   I mean, I’ve been at a bar and danced like that (well, maybe not exactly like that, but in my mind, it totally went down that way).  

There was just something over-the-top about Beyonce’s performance that just bothered me.  Maybe it was the way that Marie was trying to emulate her.  Maybe it was Thomas even knew something was a little off since she was not wearing pants.

In regards to the other performers, I totally appreciated that Jennifer Hudson’s and Alicia Keys’s performances seemed to focus more on voice and talent.

I mean, not that Beyonce’s performance wasn’t talented.  She has a great voice and is a fantastic entertainer.  I just feel that there is already so many sexual undertones in kid culture (see Monster High and Barbie), that this just adds fuel to an already super hot, burning fire.

I understand it is the Superbowl and it was perhaps my misunderstanding that I thought it would be family programing.  When Janet Jackson had her little “wardrobe malfunction,” I wasn’t worried since I didn’t have kids.

I think it is safe to say that I look at Beyonce’s performance through a different lens, one that magnifies the implied cultural standards of sexuality that my kids are now witnessing.

Like I said, I’m confused.

What were your thoughts on the half-time show?