When I decided to become a stay-at-home mom, I figured if I ever went back to work again that I would find a job that the kids would never really miss me. I would be home when they were home, I could volunteer, and go on field trips.
I was pretty sure when I took the teaching position at Walsh College while still blogging, I had found the holy grail of jobs. I especially thought I did since one class is fully online while the other class requires me to only go in 6 times in a 10 week period.
And then I found out that one of the random Fridays that I had to go in to teach fell on the same day as Thomas’s first field trip in his new school.
I honestly thought there had to be some sort of mistake with the dates and times of the field trip. How could I honestly miss a field trip? To the farm?! I started to play Tetris with my blocks of time to see if I could find a way to make it work. Short of human cloning, I logistically could not make it.
I thought about asking my boss to switch the days we co-taught, but he had already been so cool with me leaving early on the first day of class so I could make it to Thomas’s first day of preschool that I felt I couldn’t push it.
I finally had to admit defeat.
This was the first time I truly realized that I was officially a work-at-home-most-of-the-time mom. This spoke to me more loudly than the piles of laundry that don’t get folded or the orange juice that fails to buy itself.
I tried to make my peace with the fact that I would be missing an event with one of the kids for the first time in the seven years I’ve been a full time stay-at-home mom. But alas, I only was super crabby that morning and fought back tears the rest of the day.
I felt icky and sad that Harrington had taken him on a field trip. I realize that this was maternal gatekeeping at its best. I know in order for me to Lean In to this new venture then I am going to have to let Harrington, you know, the father of these children, be a apart of taking care of the kids. For the record, Harrington was excited to go to his first-ever field trip, and Thomas did totally fine.
|See that smile? Pretty sure he's thinking, |
"Mom's missing? Hm, didn't notice."
I just thought that I could honestly do this blogging/teaching thing without missing a beat at home. I think part of me will always identify myself as a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t have a defining moment where I was leaving the kids everyday to go to an office or a classroom. The whole transition was so gradual and appeared seamless since I do most of my work from home.
I do think that missing this field trip was my defining moment.
Do you ever feel guilty for missing your kids’ events or field trips? How do you deal with it?