Treating Myself: Daffodils and Sister Pie

 I am sick of winter – Sick. Of. It.  

I am tired of the cold, the snow, and the pervasiveness of winter germs.

Done.

I try not to complain about the ever-looming winter because I live in the frozen tundra of the Midwest.   But being cooped up in -25 degree weather along with taking care of sick children has made this winter way too intense.  My mental health is suffering. 

So I decided I needed to do little things to brighten up these long days of winter.

I indulged in a $3 bouquet of daffodils at Trader Joe's. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I don't usually get excited about bringing something else in my life that needs care and attention, but I could not resist how springy and friendly they looked.

Ray of sunshine

I also did something that I had been waiting to do for a long time: I ordered pies and cookies from Sister Pie, a Detroit-based company.  I learned about them when we crossed path at Live in the D.  They totally had me at buckwheat chocolate chips cookies.

For months, I have been drooling over their baked goods photos on Facebook, waiting for a special occasion so I could order them. I decided doing something nice for myself was special occasion enough. 

How can you say no to that?!

So here’s a breakdown of what came in the February sampler:

Rose Pistachio and Grapefruit Lavender Shortbread Cookies

The Rose Pistachio is a buttery cookie that has just the right amount of sweetness with a nice crunch from the pistachio bits. There is also this fragrant, sweet rose flavor that is highlighted with by a slightly salty flavor at the end. And the rose glaze is delicious!  This is quite possibly the most unique cookie I have ever tasted.

The Grapefruit Lavender cookie also has the buttery shortbread  and has a bright citrus flavor paired against the subtle lavender that is just lovely.   

Honey Lemon Meringue Pie

I don't like lemon meringue pie. When I was a little girl obsessed with her Strawberry Shortcake dolls, I could never say “meringue” in Lemon Meringue’s name.   My mom said if I practiced and said it right, she would make me a lemon meringue pie. I practiced and practiced and finally said it correctly.

It was the most vile dessert ever - who would want to eat this bitter pie with meringue that looked like whipped cream, but clearly was not as delicious as whipped cream?! I accepted my destiny as a person who would never understand lemon meringue pie’s appeal.

Until I tried Sister Pie's Honey Lemon Meringue Pie. The luscious, creamy filling was the perfect balance of tart and sweet.  The meringue was delectable. Thank you, Sister Pie, for showing me just how wonderful lemon meringue pie can be. 

Salted Maple Pie

Imagine taking the maple syrup part of a pancake breakfast and turning it into it's own creamy dessert housed in the perfect piecrust (which by the way, are made with high-fat French butter.  I’m sure it is not a coincidence that they are the most rich, flakey pie crusts I’ve ever had). That is what this pie tastes like. It is flecked with these delicate salt flakes that totally brings out the maple-y sweetness. 

Red Hot Chocolate Pie

When I was in college, my friend lived in Mexico for a semester. When she came back, she brought me these squares of chocolate with cinnamon and spices to melt into hot chocolate. It was the most complex flavored hot chocolate I'd ever had - a far cry from the artificially flavored Swiss Miss I'd been drinking for years in the dorm cafeteria. 

Red Hot Chocolate pie reminds me of that Mexican hot chocolate. It's chocolaty and rich, but not super sweet with a hint of cinnamon. Then there is this cayenne spicy heat at the end that just makes this the best chocolate pie ever. 

Are you ready for this winter to be over?  What’s your favorite way to treat yourself?

**I was not compensated by Sister Pie or Trader Joe's.  I bought these delicious baked goods and beautiful flowers with my own money and opinions are mine. 

Winter, Anxiety, and Self-Care

Last Saturday night, I was pretty sure that I was having a heart attack. I was sweaty and hot; my heat was racing and my stomach hurt.  Then, I remembered my arms were hurting the week before. 

All I could think of was Rosie O’Donnell talking about the subtle symptoms of a women’s heart attack on her new documentary on HBO, A Heartfelt Standup.   After applying the Dora the Explorer Ice Pack to my head and the Lighting McQueen one to my chest, I felt a little better.

The next day I had a burning in my chest, and I felt cranky. I decided to go for a walk outside because if this wasn’t a heart attack, it was a panic attack, and I needed to relieve some pressure.

I needed some fresh air and a fresh view.

When I made an appointment with my doctor on Monday, the receptionist was very upset that I didn't go to the ER. I am upset that I didn't go. Had anyone told me that they experienced the same thing, I would have told them to go.

But there was a small kernel of doubt that it might be anxiety.  I had that itchy, agitated feeling – kind of like I imagine my computer feels like when I have a gagillion tabs opened at once.

When my EKG and blood work came back normal, I felt pretty certain it was a panic attack, even though my doctor thought it was the brined chicken wings with truffle oil appetizer and the steak with zip sauce I had for dinner the night before causing me indigestion.

Guys, this food was so amazing!  I am kind of upset with my doctor  even suggested
this culinary masterpiece may have caused my issue.

But most likely, it was an anxiety attack.  At first, I could not think of a specific event that caused this spiral.  Then again, for me, anxiety is everything and nothing at the same time.

When I really started to think about it, I remember how I have not felt like myself since January.  I attributed it to the holiday hangover/burnout.  Then there were some snow days, and then Thomas had the stomach flu  and then more unexpected illnesses with extended family.  Next thing I know, it was President’s weekend with a day off with an additional two days off due to extreme cold.  During this time, Harrington was traveling a lot.  Also note that Marie now goes to physical therapy twice a week BEFORE school which is hard enough without carrying the emotional weight of her previous time spent in PT as a baby. 

My self-care routine, which I guard closely, had s l o w l y become derailed.  Ever since becoming a mom, I've really committed to figuring out what keeps me level.  With lots (and lots) of trial and error, I have discovered that yoga/meditation, sleep, and running work for me.

With all that extra stuff going on, the first thing to go is sleep. If they are home from school, I need to get all the things done before they wake up or after they go to bed.   This will then affect my workout schedule.  And when Harrington is traveling for work, that puts another variable in my master plan to get stuff done.

Then I try to escape on my phone before bed, which is the worst thing I can do to find peace in my day.

Before I know it, my body is saying, “Whoa. Slow your roll, lady.  This is not working.”

I love my kids and I love my work, so if I am going to be embracing the things that I love, then have to make sure that I am taking care of me.

Despite -25 degree wind chill weather. 

Despite kids home for whatever reason.

Despite other people travel plans, sicknesses, or schedules.

The positive in all of this (because I really need there to be a positive at this point) is that my self-care system really works.  And I shouldn’t ever underestimate it.

Do you suffer from anxiety attacks?  How do you take care of yourself?

January: Burn Out and the Creative Process

Oh, January, you are such a difficult month.

At first, I feel exhilarated by a new start.  I am inspired by the clarity of my vision for my new year. I am overcome with motivation- I will accomplish all of my goals/intentions now!  Yay! Let’s go!

Somewhere in all of that fervor, I became derailed.  My energy is not there; I am still recovering from the Thanksgiving/Christmas whirlwind. There is something about that intense energy of producing a holiday and making sure there are *happy* memories that is exhausting. January seems like the right time to cozy up on the couch and recover.

Except life keeps marching on. There is homework that needs to be done. Swim practice to attend.  Deadlines to meet. 

And then that all goes to the wayside when someone gets sick. 

I started to feel really sad and numb, and then scared because I wasn’t sure how to pull out of this.  I mean, just four months ago I felt awesome – kids both in school, working from home, blogging, writing.  Just remembering that feeling helped to put these sad, slumpy feelings into perspective.

I was experiencing burnout.

I think as much as I love working from home, I do feel that there is this pressure to always be hustling.  If I’m not grading papers, managing a client, or creating content for myself, then I am doing laundry, grocery shopping, and running the kids around.  The busier I am, the more worthy I feel.  And this is no way to live (and probably deserves its own blog post).

So I took a week off from blogging to recharge the creative batteries.

I took the kids to see Annie, I went to see Selma, and then went to the movies for a third time that week to see American Sniper.  I didn’t just stop there.  I binge-watched Olive Kitteridge on HBO.  I just soaked in each story, enjoying the complicated characters and their intricate stories.  It was nice just to be still and listen.

Being so goal orientated, I often brush aside the cues my body gives me that I’m overextending myself.  I wanted to spark my creativity without the pressure of results.  I decided to finish the collages that Elizabeth Gilbert talked about onFacebook.

Post by Elizabeth Gilbert.

 This quote sums up the project:

This isn't exactly a vision board (although I do think vision boards are a useful exercise.) It's a lot more random than that. It's not about calling in things or goals or dreams. It's more about how I want to FEEL, than about what I want to ACHIEVE. Mostly, it's just about colors and images that appeal to me for reasons that I do not overthink. I just start cutting and then I start gluing, and I trust the process.
When it's over, I have my visual/emotional wish for the New Year.

It was fun to clip the images that I liked without overanalyzing anything, just working from instinct. Then I arranged my images, and it was very clear that I had two separate things going on here: bold images about self-discovery and soft, clean, cozy images with lots of green and white.

I think this is a pretty accurate depiction: going on a journey of self-discovery, nurturing my dreams, and finding inner peace - pretty much what I hope to find in 2015.

Or maybe I just really want a garden, a cozy Pottery Barn bed, and a cruiser bike.

Either way, I think I am ready to move past this bump in the road.

How are you feeling this month?  Does January have you down?  What do you do to get yourself feeling happy again?