An Open Letter to My Family About Family Vacations

Dear Family,

As you know, we are packing up our bags again and going to embark on a family vacation.  Yay!  I love to travel so there is a huge part of me that feels giddy with excitement.  I love having new experiences, especially with you guys.  I mean, seeing the world with your favorite people - there is nothing like it!

However, there is a part of me that is feeling a bit of dread creeping in.

Our last getaway, the meltdowns and tears shone a harsh light on your misaligned expectations of a “family” vacation.  I really want to stress that the word “family” is the operative word in that phrase.

A family vacation should not be confused with a vacation that you take by yourself.  Although we do our best to make sure everyone’s needs and wants are met, family vacations are not individualized experiences.

Kids, that means sometimes you will need sit at the breakfast table in a restaurant and be cool while your Dad and I drink a second cup of coffee so that we have enough energy to ensure you both have a fun day. 

via GIPHY

Sometimes that means I will have to take you to an arcade, an activity that I would put in the same category as having Pitocin without an epidural (one never forgets that kind of pain.  Ever).

Sometimes that means eating a meal that is comprised out of familiar foods that you eat at home, yet presented in a slightly different way.

On the other side of that, your Dad and I expect to eat a hot dog for dinner at some point although we would much rather enjoy a steak and a glass of wine.

Here’s the thing – we are a family, a team!  We are going out into the world and experience it together as a family.  It will not always be about you and what you want to do.  It will be stepping out of your comfort zone; it will be about compromise.

I hate to drudge up the past, but remember the last time we went to Myrtle Beach? At any given time someone was complaining how salty the ocean tasted or how hot the sun was or how communicating his or her disappointment about the limited screen time or complaining about the complaining. (That last one was me – I’ll totally own it).

This is a picture of the three of us (Harrington take the picture) eating breakfast outside because someone (Thomas) wanted to watch TV instead of the ocean.

We were really mean parents and decided to take our kids to a fun restaurant
that served food that they loved.

I waited until day 4 out of a 7-day vacation before reining it in.  I forced encouraged you both to look for seashells in your pjs before breakfast to remind you
that vacation is when you are supposed try new things. 

Let’s do the direct opposite of that.

This is not exclusively your vacation, but a communal experience.  If you approach this trip with an open heart and embrace the spirit of adventure, the fun factor might be higher than if you are constantly disappointed that all of your individual “wants” are not being met.

But shit is going to happen regardless of all of the hours that I spent planning this trip. 

All I ask of you is to limit yourself to one complete meltdown each. I get it – we all have a breaking point, even me (maybe especially me).  But I will not tolerate any diva bullshit that will derail group morale.

Now let’s go make some magical memories!

Love,

Mommy

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A Day Alone on the Beach

Otherwise titled: The Break that I Needed

For the past couple of weeks, I have been lamenting my need for a break.  And not the “grocery shopping alone” kind of break.  One where I can breath deeply and have time to collect my thoughts.  

Well, I got what I wished for.  I had five whole hours to myself on a beach that looks like this:

And here is me, relaxing.  Actual proof that I peacefully sat on the beach.

The hat was a necessary purchase due to an application 

error of sunblock which I painfully discovered when I

 was using a scratchy round brush to do my bangs.  

Holy hell, did it hurt!

What these photos don’t show is that it was windy, and I was bundled up with a towel.  (Please note that I am not complaining because I know that I would be freezing my ass off at the bus stop).  It also does not show that my mind was not as peaceful as the view, no matter how hard I tried.

I really tried to let my thoughts drift through my mind, as they say in yoga.  No such luck.

At first, I was totally grossed out by the seagulls that were swarming around even though I had no food.  I looked around to see what was going on, and there was a lady.  *Hand feeding a seagull!* 

Really?!  Who does that?  It was like she was basking in the attention, as I judged by her puppy dog eyes gazing at said seagull that clearly had not missed any meals.  

From there, I wondered if a seagull has ever died from eating too much processed white bread and beef.  Is it possible?  

Because I feared the seagull expected the same handout from me, I went for a walk.  It was beautiful, sunny, and not too hot.  The Gulf of Mexico water was tranquil shade of blue.  As I tried to stay focused on the calming water, I was completely distracted by all the people who were so deeply tanned.  I do not think the citizens of Marco Island (and I do say citizens because it was totally obvious by their skin color that they have been enjoy months, if not years of constant summer sun) have received the message that the UVA rays from the sun cause skin cancer and that baby oil is no longer an approved product for sun safety.

Listen, I know how petty this all sounds.  So let me explain.  Letting my mind go to these random places was like a vacation because for the past month we have been in the process of selling our home and purchasing another one.  The “what ifs” surrounding this along with my mommy duties and household responsibilities and the new job stuff and blogging commitments have been running relentlessly in my mind.  Was my mind quiet?  No.  Did it enjoy silly things to ponder?  Yes.

I’ll take what I can get.

And I know that I casually dropped the information about selling and buying a house, but until we no longer have the keys to our current home and possess the keys of a new home, I am just scared to linger in my good news in fear that it will all be taken away.

Did I achieve a peaceful zen-like state?  No.  Did I have fun?  Yes.  More importantly, I feel refreshed and ready to go back to my regularly scheduled  life with much less crabbiness.

Signs that I am in Desperate Need of a Break

This weekend, I am accompanying Harrington to Marco Island for his bi-yearly work conference.  I am totally excited about this because although he has to go to conferences and breakout sessions, it is more of a vacation for me in the sense that there is a beach, grownup time, and cocktail hour.  Yes, I need to make small talk with people I don’t see very often, which is not my forte, but it is a small price to pay for three nights of uninterrupted sleep.

To be frank, I need this break.  I have a lot going on.  More than usual, and as soon as I have more deets, I’ll spill my guts.   Promise.  I’m just superstitious that way.

Due to an overload of intense activity coupled with my sleepless nights, I’ve been slipping.  I have been making sloppy mistakes and my mind ism’t focused which indicates it is time for a break.  And not going to Target at night by myself and sneak back after the kids are in bed kind of break.  No.  A *real* break which consists of a hotel, meals made by someone else other than me, and wine hour. 

Here are some observations which lead me to think this break is long overdue:

 - I am fantasize about spending time in a sound booth at the ear doctor so that I can get some peace and quiet.

- I am constantly having this inner monologue: “You can do this, Erin.  You just have to do (insert task here).  You. Can. Do. This.”  This happens several times a day ranging from getting up in the morning to making lunch or doing laundry.  You know, normal everyday stuff.

- At the pediatrician’s office while processing the news that Marie either has generalized pneumonia or undiagnosed asthma, I went into a full-blown panic at the checkout desk because I thought that I lost my wallet.  The receptionist kindly pointed out that I was holding it under my arm.

 - I feel pure rage when I am forced to deal with stall tactics during bedtime.  I know Thomas will wake me in a few hours with some excuse to sleep in our bed which results in no one wakes up fully rested.  This directly feeds the cycle of exhaustion and frustration.  

 - I am looking forward to *just* the plane ride because I will be able to do what I want (blog? read a book? take a nap?  the possibilities are endless!) in peace and quiet while I eat the delicious Delta Airlines cookies which I do not have to share with anyone.  And if I want wine instead of milk to drink with my cookies, I can.  Because I am a break, damn it!

As excited as I am, I do feel that heavy, icky guilty feeling that I am leaving my kids behind (until they start bickering, in which case I can’t wait to leave . . . until they are all sweet and cuddly, and I am flooded with guilt again.)  I write about these complicated feelings at The Detroit News MichMoms blog.  I’d love to hear you weigh in so I know I’m not alone with this internal struggle.

How do you know it’s time for a break?

In Photos: Instagram Edition

If you read yesterday’s post, you will know that I made it back home from our family vacation adventure team building exercise experiment.

Although I was mortified by my children’s behavior, we did have some fun times.  I have proof via Instagram (which if you aren't following me, I highly recommend that you do.  I'm erin_mommyonthespot).  If you are wondering why Buzz Lightyear, Jesse, and the alien from Toy Story are in our photos, they were our family mascot.  This was a comment on my What Do You Think Thursday with Skinny Scoop by Moms Are People Too, and thought it was a great idea.

If you are wondering where my Photoshop lessons with Brandy Nicole Photography are, look for a bonus post this Friday!

Enjoy!

Off to NYC!

 

Break time with Monster Sundaes at Friendly's!

Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity gets a thumbs up!

Central Park after going to see Freckleface Strawberry.

We love Central Park!

View from my family's apartment.

Home again!

How to Survive a Family Vacation with Little Kids

 As you know, I have been preparing for our family vacation.  I have written it about it here, here, and here.  And guess what?  The drive went really well!  Yay!

However, the rest of the vacation wasn’t *exactly* how I imagined it.  During our twelve hour car trip, I reflected a bit on what went wrong differently.  Number one thing I would’ve done differently was to prepare my suburbanite Babes what life in the big city is all about (walking, lots of walking).  I usually do lots of prep work with them (we watched the Disney planning video for months before we went)!  However,  we had to make some last minute changes to this vacation(more on that later!), so I was preoccupied with making the trip actually happen as opposed to explaining the rules for riding in the cab (apparently is frowned upon if children play with the window controls.  Understandably so).

Here is the rest of the information I have processed and felt compelled to share with you so your family vacation is a success!

First, change the word from “vacation” to “adventure.”  Vacation conjures up images of relaxing on a beach with a drink and a bag of chips.  However, on an adventure, you never know what you are going to expect.  Maybe a yummy frozen hot chocolatefrom Serendipity.  Perhaps a whirlwind of a time at the American Girl store.  Possibly a homeless man getting dressed in the middle of the sidewalk. You never know – it’s going to be an adventure!

If “adventure” doesn’t work, try using the phrase “team building exercise.”  We all need to work together if we are going to walk 10 blocks (which my delicate suburban Babes thought was a country mile).  If everyone six and under starts to cry because that tenth block was just too much for their little legs, start using the word “experiment.”  Therefore, if your daughter is crying because she wanted to spend her college fund at the American Girl store while simultaneously complaining about walking a few blocks, you can say that this experiment failed, and it doesn’t sound as bad as your family vacation was, at times, uncomfortable.

When it comes to restaurants, I found it best to eat a place that has a kids’ menu and an extensive cocktail menu as well.  Let’s just say, before you had brunch at a quaint little place called Cafe Luxembourg, you had a wonderful day at Central Park and taking in the musical Freckle Face Strawberry.  Since you (foolishly) assumed all the wiggles were out and had promised pancakes, you were in the clear for a delightful meal.  Oh, no.  Quite the opposite.  Thomas had a full on meltdown complete with hitting and screaming hurtful things like “I HATE YOU!  I HATE PANCAKES!”  I tried talking to him calmly.  I tried taking him outside, but we ran into homeless man screaming FUCK as loud and as many times as he could. 

New York City is a big place, but there was room for only one meltdown, and since we were on this guy’s home turf, we let him have this one.

Back inside with an angry child who was not being allowed to express his true feelings for the horror of having pancakes in the middle of the day, I politely asked the waiter about the Rosemary Fizz cocktail.  Without skipping a beat, he said, “Delicious, I’ll have one for you right away.”  (I felt an instant bond to this waiter and secretly wished to trade places with him so he could watch my kid while I took over his shift).

Since all my strategies had failed, I decided to just drink my Rosemary Fizz and ignore Thomas in hopes that everyone else would do the same.  Success!  (I think.  I had stopped paying attention at this point and was focusing solely on my drink).

Will we go on a family vacation again?  Yes.  Any time soon?  As soon as it takes for me to forget about how mortified I was by their behavior.

You may be thinking, “What?!  That’ wasn’t so bad!”

I must take a break before I talk about how my kids need to learn the finer points of being a well-behaved house guests while staying with family.

Please, I beg of you, tell me about your worst family vacation adventure team building exercise experiment memory!