An Open Letter to My Family About Family Vacations

Dear Family,

As you know, we are packing up our bags again and going to embark on a family vacation.  Yay!  I love to travel so there is a huge part of me that feels giddy with excitement.  I love having new experiences, especially with you guys.  I mean, seeing the world with your favorite people - there is nothing like it!

However, there is a part of me that is feeling a bit of dread creeping in.

Our last getaway, the meltdowns and tears shone a harsh light on your misaligned expectations of a “family” vacation.  I really want to stress that the word “family” is the operative word in that phrase.

A family vacation should not be confused with a vacation that you take by yourself.  Although we do our best to make sure everyone’s needs and wants are met, family vacations are not individualized experiences.

Kids, that means sometimes you will need sit at the breakfast table in a restaurant and be cool while your Dad and I drink a second cup of coffee so that we have enough energy to ensure you both have a fun day. 

via GIPHY

Sometimes that means I will have to take you to an arcade, an activity that I would put in the same category as having Pitocin without an epidural (one never forgets that kind of pain.  Ever).

Sometimes that means eating a meal that is comprised out of familiar foods that you eat at home, yet presented in a slightly different way.

On the other side of that, your Dad and I expect to eat a hot dog for dinner at some point although we would much rather enjoy a steak and a glass of wine.

Here’s the thing – we are a family, a team!  We are going out into the world and experience it together as a family.  It will not always be about you and what you want to do.  It will be stepping out of your comfort zone; it will be about compromise.

I hate to drudge up the past, but remember the last time we went to Myrtle Beach? At any given time someone was complaining how salty the ocean tasted or how hot the sun was or how communicating his or her disappointment about the limited screen time or complaining about the complaining. (That last one was me – I’ll totally own it).

This is a picture of the three of us (Harrington take the picture) eating breakfast outside because someone (Thomas) wanted to watch TV instead of the ocean.

We were really mean parents and decided to take our kids to a fun restaurant
that served food that they loved.

I waited until day 4 out of a 7-day vacation before reining it in.  I forced encouraged you both to look for seashells in your pjs before breakfast to remind you
that vacation is when you are supposed try new things. 

Let’s do the direct opposite of that.

This is not exclusively your vacation, but a communal experience.  If you approach this trip with an open heart and embrace the spirit of adventure, the fun factor might be higher than if you are constantly disappointed that all of your individual “wants” are not being met.

But shit is going to happen regardless of all of the hours that I spent planning this trip. 

All I ask of you is to limit yourself to one complete meltdown each. I get it – we all have a breaking point, even me (maybe especially me).  But I will not tolerate any diva bullshit that will derail group morale.

Now let’s go make some magical memories!

Love,

Mommy

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Let the Summer Adventures Begin

Summer break has officially begun! 

We’ve celebrated with ice cream.

We’ve visited the library.

But I am ready embrace the thing that I love most about summer (besides an ice cold beer): travel.

I love to travel, and I want the kids to love traveling.  I talked about this last year (along with how things just did not go how I had hoped). 

In order to celebrate my inner fun parent, I decided to kick off summer break with a mini staycation adventure to Ann Arbor.

I am going to try *really* hard to keep my expectations closer to the realistic side of the spectrum and as far away as idealist as possible.

As we embark on our first summer adventure of the season, I thought I would re-share my Live in the D: Summer Travel Tips with Kids post again.

Hope these help you as much as they have helped me!

Fixing Parenting Mistakes

I feel that honoring each child as an individual is one of my parenting strengths. 

For their bedtime snacks, I lovingly prepare strawberries with blueberries for Thomas and strawberries and peaches for Marie.

Thomas wants ev.ry.body. at his t-ball game.  Marie prefers no one at her events.

Marie craves alone time. Thomas wants to do something with someone every moment of the day.

I felt very proud of my parenting approach, especially since this is not always easy to do.  But while on vacation in Myrtle Beach, I have witnessed the downside of catering to the individual.  It seems that I was so concerned with the personalized experience that I forgot the importance of coexisting in a group.

My theory has been that if Marie and Thomas felt that their unique needs were being met, they would have an easier time respecting the needs of others.  Since their buckets were full, they would have enough to go with the flow.

This has not been the case.

Instead of graciously putting their particular requirements aside, they were angry that they couldn’t have their way.  I was flitting around trying to make each one of them happy.  Marie wanted to go to the beach.  Thomas wanted to go to the pool (or worse yet, stay on the iPad).  Marie wanted to go out to eat.  Thomas wanted to stay home.

They were forced to eat pretzel bites while waiting to eat hamburgers at Margaritaville . . .
after they had fun at the aquarium.  Life is so unfair.

The bad attitudes and sheer defiance was beyond frustrating.  This glaring loophole in my parenting philosophy helped me to realize that I need to enforce more of a group mentality and help my kids embrace flexibility.

Why eat outside as a family and enjoy the ocean view . . . .

when you can eat inside by yourself. 

This week, we are embarking on another adventure: we are going on a road trip and will be houseguests.  And quite frankly, I will feel a deep sense of failure mixed with embarrassment if my kids pull the same shenanigans that they did in Myrtle Beach.

On this road trip, I will be starting my new parenting campaign: Be Flexible.

I wanted to be all badass and force encourage this change straight from vacation by having them try Indian food, but that did not happen.

So in the past month, I’ve been enforcing more time outs, following through with my expectations of manners, and not catering to dietary preferences during dinnertime.

This was not easy.

Which is probably why I have not been doing it consistently.

But honestly, I do not want to raise inflexible kids that have no awareness of anyone’s needs other than their owns.  So from here on out, I will be towing that delicate line of honoring the individual and honoring the group’s needs as well.

How do you that - raise kids who understand the importance of listening to their inner compass while realizing they have to go with the flow? Seriously, I am asking because I do not feel like I am doing it right.

Live in the D: Summer Travel with Kids Tips

 As you may have seen Instagram and/or read on my blog, I recently returned from a beach family vacation, which included my parents.  Because I love to travel therefore creating a need to make sure my kids love to travel, we will be embarking on a road trip to New Jersey to visit family.

I have used or will be using these travel tips in my near future and feel excited to share them with you and talk about them on Live in the D.

Here's the clip from the show.

Ziploc bags for everything

Because we flew to Myrtle Beach, our toiletries obviously needed to be in a quart-sized bag.  However I think the gallon-sized bags are the unsung hero of travel organization.  They prevent random action figures from going MIA in a time of need and help to keep snacks from exploding in the backpack.

Letter Activities on the Plane/Car Ride

I love a break from the school grind that summer offers; however, I do become really nervous that the kids (more specifically, Thomas) will forget how to hold a pencil.

I created a letter book in a spiral notebook that was small enough to fit in my purse.  On one page, I wrote the uppercase and lowercase of each letter and left the other side blank.

When we had time, I would ask him to think of a word that starts with the letter on the page.  I would write it lightly in pencil, and he would trace it in crayon.  I can’t say that he loved it since writing is not his favorite, but I can say it was a short activity that could be done on the fly without a lot of prep.

For Marie, I had her do a letter poem.  She wrote out our location M Y R T L E B E A C H.  She then added a word for each letter.  Writing is Marie’s thing so she enjoyed this activity.

Baby Powder on Beach

Did you know baby powder could remove sand?  Not like sort of remove sand, like when you use the foot shower thing at the beach.  I mean totally takes the sand off of your skin and leaves it silky smooth.  I do not know why this is not printed on the container. I had a friend share this trick with me when Marie was a baby, and it has been a lifesaver ever since.

If you do not like baby powder, I am sure cornstarch would work well, too.

Manners Boot camp

While on vacation, it became obvious that I tolerate really bad table manners at home (some days out of laziness, other days because I am saving my energy for the bed time saga).  This does not translate very well out in the world of restaurant dining or sharing a table with other people, like my parents. 

Because we will be houseguests on our next adventure, I made a laminated chart to keep at the table.  Depending on their choices, they can either get a smiley face sticker in the Excellent, Doing OK, or Needs Work columns.

If they have more smiley faces in the Excellent or Doing OK columns, they can have a little reward (choose what we eat for dinner, a special dessert, etc.)

If this is too complicated, cut out stars (or even scraps of paper will do) and put them in a jar each time they make good choices.  When you feel that they have earned enough, give them a reward.

Road Trip Bingo

I do not know what it is about road trip bingo, but I’m intrigued.  Maybe it’s because it would force the kids to look out the window and away from any and all screens.  I found this on the Reading with Kids website.

We are going to use bingo daubers, and the winner chooses what playlist or CD they want to listen to.

Laminating an Atlas

This idea was inspired by a blog post by It’s Always Autumn.  She suggested laminating a map, but instead, I bought an atlas and had the pages carefully removed. I put them in a small presentation binder with laminated page protectors and BOOM we have our own personal atlas with a highlighted route to our end destination.

This may also serve as my hardcopy of directions the in the event that Map Quest stops working.

Vacation Photo Art

How many times do you take photos and they just sit there in your phone or camera?

I took photos (and started to let the kids take some before an unfortunate sand incident).

I then edited my photos on my phone (Snapseed is my favorite)!  I ordered my prints from Prinstagram (a Social Print Studio app -  I cannot express how much I love this company)!  I used the 4x4 squares for the project, but love the Mini Squares, too.

I went to Michael’s Craft Store and bought a 2 pack of 9x12 canvas and some Modge Podge.  (I have been looking for a project to use this ever since Angela from Jumping with My Fingers Crossed handed these magnets at one of her gatherings).

Marie chose the photos she wanted to use, glued the photos on to the canvas with Modge Podge and then brushed it over the photos to seal them to the canvas.

Voila! Perfect real life art pretty much created by online apps.

Have you hit the road yet this summer?  What are your favorite travel tips with kids?