As you know, I have been preparing for our family
vacation. I have written it about it
here, here, and here. And guess
what? The drive went really well! Yay!
However, the rest of the vacation wasn’t *exactly*
how I imagined it. During our twelve hour
car trip, I reflected a bit on what went wrong differently. Number one thing I would’ve done differently
was to prepare my suburbanite Babes what life in the big city is all about
(walking, lots of walking). I usually do
lots of prep work with them (we watched the Disney planning video for months
before we went)! However, we had to make some last minute changes to
this vacation(more on that later!), so I was preoccupied with making the trip
actually happen as opposed to explaining the rules for riding in the cab (apparently
is frowned upon if children play with the window controls. Understandably so).
Here is the rest of the information I have processed
and felt compelled to share with you so your family vacation is a success!
First, change the word from “vacation” to “adventure.” Vacation conjures up images of relaxing on a
beach with a drink and a bag of chips.
However, on an adventure, you never know what you are going to
expect. Maybe a yummy frozen hot chocolatefrom Serendipity. Perhaps a whirlwind of
a time at the American Girl store. Possibly
a homeless man getting dressed in the middle of the sidewalk. You never know –
it’s going to be an adventure!
If “adventure” doesn’t work, try using the phrase “team
building exercise.” We all need to work
together if we are going to walk 10 blocks (which my delicate suburban Babes
thought was a country mile). If everyone
six and under starts to cry because that tenth block was just too much for
their little legs, start using the word “experiment.” Therefore, if your daughter is crying because
she wanted to spend her college fund at the American Girl store while simultaneously
complaining about walking a few blocks, you can say that this experiment
failed, and it doesn’t sound as bad as your family vacation was, at times,
uncomfortable.
When it comes to restaurants, I found it best to eat
a place that has a kids’ menu and an extensive cocktail menu as well. Let’s just say, before you had brunch at a quaint
little place called Cafe Luxembourg, you had a wonderful day at Central Park and
taking in the musical Freckle Face Strawberry.
Since you (foolishly) assumed all the wiggles were out and had promised
pancakes, you were in the clear for a delightful meal. Oh, no.
Quite the opposite. Thomas had a
full on meltdown complete with hitting and screaming hurtful things like “I HATE
YOU! I HATE PANCAKES!” I tried talking to him calmly. I tried taking him outside, but we ran into
homeless man screaming FUCK as loud and as many times as he could.
New York City is a big place, but there was room for
only one meltdown, and since we were on this guy’s home turf, we let him have
this one.
Back inside with an angry child who was not being
allowed to express his true feelings for the horror of having pancakes in the
middle of the day, I politely asked the waiter about the Rosemary Fizz cocktail. Without skipping a beat, he said, “Delicious,
I’ll have one for you right away.” (I
felt an instant bond to this waiter and secretly wished to trade places with
him so he could watch my kid while I took over his shift).
Since all my strategies had failed, I decided to
just drink my Rosemary Fizz and ignore Thomas in hopes that everyone else would
do the same. Success! (I think.
I had stopped paying attention at this point and was focusing solely on
my drink).
Will we go on a family vacation again? Yes.
Any time soon? As soon as it
takes for me to forget about how mortified I was by their behavior.
You may be thinking, “What?! That’ wasn’t so bad!”
I must take a break before I talk about how my kids
need to learn the finer points of being a well-behaved house guests while
staying with family.
Please, I beg of you, tell me about your worst family
vacation adventure team building exercise experiment
memory!
