Thursday, March 7, 2013

Signs that I am in Desperate Need of a Break

This weekend, I am accompanying Harrington to Marco Island for his bi-yearly work conference.  I am totally excited about this because although he has to go to conferences and breakout sessions, it is more of a vacation for me in the sense that there is a beach, grownup time, and cocktail hour.  Yes, I need to make small talk with people I don’t see very often, which is not my forte, but it is a small price to pay for three nights of uninterrupted sleep.

To be frank, I need this break.  I have a lot going on.  More than usual, and as soon as I have more deets, I’ll spill my guts.   Promise.  I’m just superstitious that way.

Due to an overload of intense activity coupled with my sleepless nights, I’ve been slipping.  I have been making sloppy mistakes and my mind ism’t focused which indicates it is time for a break.  And not going to Target at night by myself and sneak back after the kids are in bed kind of break.  No.  A *real* break which consists of a hotel, meals made by someone else other than me, and wine hour. 

Here are some observations which lead me to think this break is long overdue:

 - I am fantasize about spending time in a sound booth at the ear doctor so that I can get some peace and quiet.

- I am constantly having this inner monologue: “You can do this, Erin.  You just have to do (insert task here).  You. Can. Do. This.”  This happens several times a day ranging from getting up in the morning to making lunch or doing laundry.  You know, normal everyday stuff.

- At the pediatrician’s office while processing the news that Marie either has generalized pneumonia or undiagnosed asthma, I went into a full-blown panic at the checkout desk because I thought that I lost my wallet.  The receptionist kindly pointed out that I was holding it under my arm.

 - I feel pure rage when I am forced to deal with stall tactics during bedtime.  I know Thomas will wake me in a few hours with some excuse to sleep in our bed which results in no one wakes up fully rested.  This directly feeds the cycle of exhaustion and frustration.  

 - I am looking forward to *just* the plane ride because I will be able to do what I want (blog? read a book? take a nap?  the possibilities are endless!) in peace and quiet while I eat the delicious Delta Airlines cookies which I do not have to share with anyone.  And if I want wine instead of milk to drink with my cookies, I can.  Because I am a break, damn it!

As excited as I am, I do feel that heavy, icky guilty feeling that I am leaving my kids behind (until they start bickering, in which case I can’t wait to leave . . . until they are all sweet and cuddly, and I am flooded with guilt again.)  I write about these complicated feelings at The Detroit News MichMoms blog.  I’d love to hear you weigh in so I know I’m not alone with this internal struggle.

How do you know it’s time for a break?


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Kelly Ozley said...

Loved reading this blog entry. I am single mom of two girls and feel the same rage every night at bedtime. I dread it.

I get breaks with my favorite people in the world -- the babysitters. Love them! And yoga. I'll be back here -- this was fun.


Erin Janda Rawlings said...

Thanks, Kelly! Yoga is a lifesaver, isn't it?!