Reflections on Traveling without Kids

Reentry after spending time away from the kids is difficult enough, but coming back to dreary, cold Michigan makes it even harder.

It's spring in Napa Valley!

Getting back to the routine was surprisingly easy.  No, easy is not the right word.  It’s kind of like jumping into freezing cold water and then swimming because if not, you will drown.  So it’s more like survival.

Before Napa Valley and Ojai Valley seem like far, distant memories, there were a few thoughts I needed to share before they fade away.

I NEED TO BE NICER TO MYSELF

See this salad? 

I had it Ca’ Momi at the Oxbow Public Market  It’s asparagus topped with frisee and a crumbled hardboiled egg dressed with the most delicious lemon vinaigrette I have ever tasted.  The woman who made this salad prepared it with so much love and attention to detail.  I am sure that she does this for every salad, but somehow this made me feel really special.

Right then and there, while I was marveling at how the sweet-tart lemon dressing perfectly complimented the asparagus and frisee, I realized that I am not nice enough to myself.  Sure, I go to yoga and treat myself to coffee, but it’s always mashed in between something like grading assignments or volunteering at the kids’ school.

 I am not even sure how to incorporate this kind of focused, non-hurried moment in my life at this time, but I am sure going to try because it felt amazing.

SPENDING TIME ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND

Oh, hey.  I remember you.

Between swim practice and Lego club and making lunches and filling water bottles and the Never. Ending. Bedtime. Routine, I sometimes forget that I used to have a great time with my husband.  Not that we don’t have a great time together now; it’s just not the same when we are squeezing in a date night at the end of a long week and trying to stay up until the babysitter has put the kids down to sleep.

I realize that even though we do a decent job scheduling a date night (even if it’s a half-assed one that includes running errands at Target), we definitely do not spend enough undivided time together. 

I am not saying that we need to leave our kids for a week and go clear across the country every time we want to spend time together.  However, I am saying that after spending time in a place like Napa, buying orange juice at Target should not be considered a date night.

 EAT MORE CROISSANTS

More specifically, Bouchon croissants.  Every morning at our stay at The Cottages of Napa (which I totally recommend because they were quaint and unique as a traditional B & B, but more private since we had our own kitchen/patio to eat), we had a basket of Bouchon baked goods delivered for breakfast. 

The croissants were lovely, buttery, flaky perfection.  Also, the blueberry muffin was so perfect, I don’t know how I am supposed to eat one that is not baked at Bouchon.

My wish is for Bouchon to deliver croissants to me in Michigan

DRINK MORE WINE

It’s one thing to pair up a cheap (yet satisfying) glass of wine with some Golden Grahams because you are tired and desperate after a long day, but it is entirely different to learn the history of the vineyard, learn about the wine making process, and savor a glass with a delectable bite of food that pairs perfectly with that glass of wine. 

Robert Mondavi

I love my kids.  I love them more than I thought I could love anything in the whole entire world.  But parenting is hard.  So very hard.  I sometimes feel guilty for wanting needing a break, and other times, I don’t even recognize that I need a break because I am too far deep in the parenting trenches to even know there is life happening elsewhere.

This trip really helped me remember how refreshed I feel after I enjoy moments that are separate from the kids. And more importantly, I realized that refilling my tank should not be associated with any kind of guilty feelings.

Have you taken a break away from being a parent?  Where did you go?  What did you do?  How did you feel?

A Day Alone on the Beach

Otherwise titled: The Break that I Needed

For the past couple of weeks, I have been lamenting my need for a break.  And not the “grocery shopping alone” kind of break.  One where I can breath deeply and have time to collect my thoughts.  

Well, I got what I wished for.  I had five whole hours to myself on a beach that looks like this:

And here is me, relaxing.  Actual proof that I peacefully sat on the beach.

The hat was a necessary purchase due to an application 

error of sunblock which I painfully discovered when I

 was using a scratchy round brush to do my bangs.  

Holy hell, did it hurt!

What these photos don’t show is that it was windy, and I was bundled up with a towel.  (Please note that I am not complaining because I know that I would be freezing my ass off at the bus stop).  It also does not show that my mind was not as peaceful as the view, no matter how hard I tried.

I really tried to let my thoughts drift through my mind, as they say in yoga.  No such luck.

At first, I was totally grossed out by the seagulls that were swarming around even though I had no food.  I looked around to see what was going on, and there was a lady.  *Hand feeding a seagull!* 

Really?!  Who does that?  It was like she was basking in the attention, as I judged by her puppy dog eyes gazing at said seagull that clearly had not missed any meals.  

From there, I wondered if a seagull has ever died from eating too much processed white bread and beef.  Is it possible?  

Because I feared the seagull expected the same handout from me, I went for a walk.  It was beautiful, sunny, and not too hot.  The Gulf of Mexico water was tranquil shade of blue.  As I tried to stay focused on the calming water, I was completely distracted by all the people who were so deeply tanned.  I do not think the citizens of Marco Island (and I do say citizens because it was totally obvious by their skin color that they have been enjoy months, if not years of constant summer sun) have received the message that the UVA rays from the sun cause skin cancer and that baby oil is no longer an approved product for sun safety.

Listen, I know how petty this all sounds.  So let me explain.  Letting my mind go to these random places was like a vacation because for the past month we have been in the process of selling our home and purchasing another one.  The “what ifs” surrounding this along with my mommy duties and household responsibilities and the new job stuff and blogging commitments have been running relentlessly in my mind.  Was my mind quiet?  No.  Did it enjoy silly things to ponder?  Yes.

I’ll take what I can get.

And I know that I casually dropped the information about selling and buying a house, but until we no longer have the keys to our current home and possess the keys of a new home, I am just scared to linger in my good news in fear that it will all be taken away.

Did I achieve a peaceful zen-like state?  No.  Did I have fun?  Yes.  More importantly, I feel refreshed and ready to go back to my regularly scheduled  life with much less crabbiness.

Signs that I am in Desperate Need of a Break

This weekend, I am accompanying Harrington to Marco Island for his bi-yearly work conference.  I am totally excited about this because although he has to go to conferences and breakout sessions, it is more of a vacation for me in the sense that there is a beach, grownup time, and cocktail hour.  Yes, I need to make small talk with people I don’t see very often, which is not my forte, but it is a small price to pay for three nights of uninterrupted sleep.

To be frank, I need this break.  I have a lot going on.  More than usual, and as soon as I have more deets, I’ll spill my guts.   Promise.  I’m just superstitious that way.

Due to an overload of intense activity coupled with my sleepless nights, I’ve been slipping.  I have been making sloppy mistakes and my mind ism’t focused which indicates it is time for a break.  And not going to Target at night by myself and sneak back after the kids are in bed kind of break.  No.  A *real* break which consists of a hotel, meals made by someone else other than me, and wine hour. 

Here are some observations which lead me to think this break is long overdue:

 - I am fantasize about spending time in a sound booth at the ear doctor so that I can get some peace and quiet.

- I am constantly having this inner monologue: “You can do this, Erin.  You just have to do (insert task here).  You. Can. Do. This.”  This happens several times a day ranging from getting up in the morning to making lunch or doing laundry.  You know, normal everyday stuff.

- At the pediatrician’s office while processing the news that Marie either has generalized pneumonia or undiagnosed asthma, I went into a full-blown panic at the checkout desk because I thought that I lost my wallet.  The receptionist kindly pointed out that I was holding it under my arm.

 - I feel pure rage when I am forced to deal with stall tactics during bedtime.  I know Thomas will wake me in a few hours with some excuse to sleep in our bed which results in no one wakes up fully rested.  This directly feeds the cycle of exhaustion and frustration.  

 - I am looking forward to *just* the plane ride because I will be able to do what I want (blog? read a book? take a nap?  the possibilities are endless!) in peace and quiet while I eat the delicious Delta Airlines cookies which I do not have to share with anyone.  And if I want wine instead of milk to drink with my cookies, I can.  Because I am a break, damn it!

As excited as I am, I do feel that heavy, icky guilty feeling that I am leaving my kids behind (until they start bickering, in which case I can’t wait to leave . . . until they are all sweet and cuddly, and I am flooded with guilt again.)  I write about these complicated feelings at The Detroit News MichMoms blog.  I’d love to hear you weigh in so I know I’m not alone with this internal struggle.

How do you know it’s time for a break?