End of Summer 2015

You know when you are at an awesome party and you are having a great time.  The vibe is good, the people are chill.  Your favorite music is playing in the background, and there is an bottomless bowl of Sun Chips.  You take a drink from your red Solo cup and feel a wave of happiness wash over you.  You start to think, “This is the best time EVER!  I am never going to leave!”

As the night wears on, people start to drink a little too much and things start to get out of hand.  People start breaking shit and hitting each other.  You look around at the chaos, dumbfounded.  “What the hell happened?” you wonder.  “We were all just getting along and having so much fun.”

That’s August.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous before summer began.  The season can be brutally long, especially August.  And in the past, I feel morelike a cruise director than a mom.

This summer has been different.  It’s been easy.  Actually, it’s been the best summer that I can remember in the history of summers (although the summer between 9^th and 10^th grade when I went to Disney World for a dance competition and Cedar Point with my friend would be a close second).

The kids have been getting along and having fun with each other.  They have found their groove, and I am convinced that they love each other again.  (It was unclear if this was true during the last part of winter and throughout spring).

Even grocery shopping has been drama free.  I can get in and out of two stores in under an hour.  That is unheard of for me.  I feel like I should drop my mike every time we leave the store.  

We’ve had a good run, hanging out together all day and pushing the bedtime envelope later and later.  But it’s getting close to the time when we need to leave the party before gets totally out of hand.  I feel like we are one more late night bedtime away from having a full-out meltdown, similar to the meltdown had by the ladies of Real Housewives of New York in season 3 at Scary Island. 

I may find myself screaming this at 2:30 in the afternoon.

via GIPHY

The break from routine has been much needed, but we need it back.  Now.  Before the Best Summer Ever goes up in flames.

via GIPHY

Week 2 of Summer Vacation

 When I say I am going to do something, I do it.  Give me a task, and I will see it through to the end, including the epilogue.

Perseverance is my super power.

Until it turns into my kryptonite.

When I put on my horse blinders to get the job done, I don’t always evaluate how things are going. I become so focused that I don’t pay attention to the signals that it might not be working.

So tired that I’m dizzy?  Push through.  Shallow breath from pushing through? Keep going.  There is a finish line to cross (and if I’m first, that’s even better).

When I said that I wanted to embrace my inner fun parent , I really didn’t mean embrace.  I meant a bear hug so fierce that I wouldn’t even notice if anyone was suffocating.

Even me.

By the end of week 2 of summer vacation, that’s where I’m at.  Exhausted.  Out of breath.

We did a whole summer’s worth of stuff in two weeks.

At our staycation in Ann Arbor, we started with sandwiches from Zingerman’s.

This sandwich made me so happy.

Then we took a stroll around Ann Arbor and the University of Michigan campus.

She was curious about what the campus looked like. . . 
although,we are not what you would call a die hard U of M family.

Afterwards, we went to the Ann Arbor Hands-On Museum which was awesome!

I seriously lack in the science knowledge department.
I love that this place filled in some blanks with a lot of fun.

Standing inside a giant bubble can now be checked off
on the ultimate lifetime experience list.

Then we had some fun visiting my family that lives near Ann Arbor and ate some really delicious ice cream.

We’ve also spent some time in the after-hours clinic for an infected mosquito bite.

We celebrated Father’s Day.

We have had play dates at the park.

Play dates at home.

And appointments.

Pool time.

Tennis lessons.

Swim practices and meets.

T-ball games.

Oh, we also went to the Imagine Dragons concert – our first family concert!

3 out of 4 loved it! One of us fell asleep.
During the concert.  Maybe next time.

All in addition to home renovation projects like the kitchen 

Our new granite for the countertops.

and patio steps.

Delays due to ant colonies and the original steps made from incorrect materials.
Now we have to order new pavers .
I wanted to cry.

I often wonder why I am so damn tired and feel mentally stretched to the limit, but when I write all this down it becomes crystal clear.

What is not crystal clear is why I continue down this path of being a fun parent when it is stressing me out.

I think it comes down to this: after years of being confined by baby/toddler routines and then constricted by the school schedule, I want to make the most of our free time.

I want to travel!

I want the kids to play with their friends!

I want to spontaneously eat ice cream for dinner!

I want to make memories that will last a lifetime! 

I want to feel alive!

But I’m tired.  Although I want my kids to have a great summer and I want to do all of the things, it’s not necessarily filling up my soul.

Moving forward, I am going to fight the urge to fill up all of the free time.

Take deep breaths and recharge.

Summer in an endurance sport, and I cannot be burned out before July.

August and the Tsunami of Guilt

Before I get to the actual post, I have two BIG favors to ask of you.  But will you please, please, please vote for me in these two contests.  The Skinny Scoop BlogHer11 Recap Post Contest in which the grand prize is for $100 Amazon gift card.  The Latte Love Contest grand prize is to introduce and interview the new milk mustache celebrity!  How cool is that?!  Be sure to vote for Erin R!  Thanks so much!  Mwuah, mwuah, mwuah!
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When I used to be a teacher, I DREADED this time of year. Although August is still sunny and hot, I knew in a matter of weeks, it was back to the reality of work. And as I revealed in Xtranormal movies one and two and mentioned throughout various blogs posts, teaching and I did not, how shall I put this, *mesh* very well.

But as a stay-at-home mom with two young Babes in Michigan, summer is supposed to be a glorious time of fresh air and fun times (at least for a few weeks before the thick, wet blanket of humidity covers the area, nearly smothering us to death). Summer is magical and fun and carefree.

And long. So very, very long.

I was surprised by these very strong feelings of wanting summer to end.

To be quite honest, I am exhausted to tears by mid-August. I just can’t keep up this late night/early morning pace for much longer. (My Babes are poster children for the saying, “Sleep begets sleep.” They sleep *less* the later they go down for the night. And don’t even get me started on the witching hour(s) that occur between 4:30p.m. – 7p.m.).

And then the tsunami wave of guilt crashes down on me:

• We have had so much fun this summer; why do I want it to end?
• I’m a horrible mom because what kind of mother wants to not spend time with her kids?
• This is Marie’s last summer before Kindergarten; I should want it to last FOR.EV.ER.

Between the anxiety of Kindergarten and the guilt of wanting the very short season of summer to end, I was beating myself up around the clock – even during sleep! I knew this because every morning, my jaw and shoulders would be tight with tension.

And then I came across this post by Wendi Aarons. I burst out laughing! (Well, as much as I could with my jaw wired shut with stress). So I am not crazy because this heat is stifling and having to be “on” for 14 hours a day with no break! This is normal! Thank goodness.

And then I read this post on Scary Mommy’s website by Yael Saar. Here is a quote that resonated deeply within my weary soul (but be sure to read the rest of the post because it is amazing):

But how about, just for a moment, we examine this: it is only human to get frustrated when our childcare duties balloon, while the rest of our responsibilities don’t come down even one notch. Add to that some record breaking heat-waves, summer viruses, a road trip, or perhaps cousins or in-laws visiting from out of town, and what you get by the time August comes around is a lot of cumulative stress. And now we still have the rest of August ahead of us, and by the time we arrive at the joys of the back to school prep, nobody should be surprised that it is mom who desperately needs a vacation.

One word: liberated. And if I had to add a second: relieved. Next time I think I am a bad mom, I’m going to remind myself that I am just tired. So very tired.

August (especially, mid to late August) is a tough time for me. For everyone, really. Thanks for these wonderful posts written by these amazing women. If you ever question what kind of effect your writing has on others, please remember how you were able to make at least one mom laugh out loud with relief and be kinder to herself next time she feels guilty for being human.

So how are you hanging in there these last few weeks of summer?