Seasons

I am unbelievably glad that it is the first week of October.  I am filled with happiness not only because my birthday is fast approaching and few things bring me joy like celebrating my birthday since I get to choose where we get pizza (which will definitely not be the cheap pizza that the kids love) and I get to have cake and champagne.

That would be reason enough to ring in the fall season.

But if I am being truthful, I am relieved that summer is safely in the rearview mirror.  It was the most difficult summer I have had in a long time.

Leading up to the season, we were faced with a string of complications. 

Marie had a confirmed diagnosis of scoliosis, and she needed to be fitted for her back brace.

I got braces on my teeth to prep for a tooth implant that needed to be done ten years ago.

Then there were ALL of the end of school events which relentlessly shoved us right into our summer routine.  This new schedule had me viewing the first few weeks of summer through my minivan windshield while chauffeuring the kids to swim, theater, gymnastics, and Lego camp.

All while Harrington was home for approximately 12½ days in June.

I felt disorientated and frustrated as I drifted further away from my center.

The cat was frustrated, too, and vented his feelings by spraying the walls with urine.  Also my underwear drawer because he really needed to drive home his point.  Message received, Scott Awesome.

We both dealt with this in our own way.

Scott Awesome went on Prozac.

I went to a yoga silent retreat.  One reason being that we couldn’t share the Prozac.  When I made a joke about sharing to the pharmacist, he did not laugh one bit.  I feared that he would call the authorities about a wild-eyed mother who appeared to be drug seeking the tiniest about of controlled substance through her cat.

I was desperate to take a moment away from my mom duties.  Although jail would give me a break from my kids, I don’t think it would have been as restorative as the preplanned yoga trip, which quite honestly, was life-changing and deserves its own post.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a few good memories that were sprinkled through the season.

Like the time we went to Myrtle Beach.  We played on the beach (when we weren’t dodging jellyfish).  We also ate Krispy Kreme donuts right off of the assembly line which was more magical than I anticipated.

Or the times we went to the park and they played so nicely with each other I thought that my heart would explode.

But overall, it was not easy.  Everything – life, writing, being a mom and a wife – it felt clunky and heavy.  I often wondered what business I had writing a book while mothering young kids. 

With all my mixed up feelings of guilt and relief, I ran towards the first day of school with the promise that balance would be restored.

Of course our transition from summer to fall was not smooth at all.

But because I am writing my book, I will need to talk about all the things like mom guilt and how much space I really allow myself to fill up in next week’s blog post.

How was your summer?  How’s your fall starting off?

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End of Summer 2015

You know when you are at an awesome party and you are having a great time.  The vibe is good, the people are chill.  Your favorite music is playing in the background, and there is an bottomless bowl of Sun Chips.  You take a drink from your red Solo cup and feel a wave of happiness wash over you.  You start to think, “This is the best time EVER!  I am never going to leave!”

As the night wears on, people start to drink a little too much and things start to get out of hand.  People start breaking shit and hitting each other.  You look around at the chaos, dumbfounded.  “What the hell happened?” you wonder.  “We were all just getting along and having so much fun.”

That’s August.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous before summer began.  The season can be brutally long, especially August.  And in the past, I feel morelike a cruise director than a mom.

This summer has been different.  It’s been easy.  Actually, it’s been the best summer that I can remember in the history of summers (although the summer between 9^th and 10^th grade when I went to Disney World for a dance competition and Cedar Point with my friend would be a close second).

The kids have been getting along and having fun with each other.  They have found their groove, and I am convinced that they love each other again.  (It was unclear if this was true during the last part of winter and throughout spring).

Even grocery shopping has been drama free.  I can get in and out of two stores in under an hour.  That is unheard of for me.  I feel like I should drop my mike every time we leave the store.  

We’ve had a good run, hanging out together all day and pushing the bedtime envelope later and later.  But it’s getting close to the time when we need to leave the party before gets totally out of hand.  I feel like we are one more late night bedtime away from having a full-out meltdown, similar to the meltdown had by the ladies of Real Housewives of New York in season 3 at Scary Island. 

I may find myself screaming this at 2:30 in the afternoon.

via GIPHY

The break from routine has been much needed, but we need it back.  Now.  Before the Best Summer Ever goes up in flames.

via GIPHY

The Summer When I was a Cruise Ship Director

I can’t believe we are approaching the last week of summer.  This summer has been by far the easiest summer, “easy” being a relative terms.

There are still squabbles between the kids that need to be managed.  They still have busy schedules. 

But we’ve really turned a corner with their independence.  Small things like getting their own water bottles ready for the pool and playing on their own with their friends have made a huge difference.

But it wasn’t always like that.  Those summers when they were little made me feel more like a cruise director rather than a mom.

My post that I wrote about a few years ago about the summer when I was a cruise ship director is now up on Huffington Post Parents.

Summer is not carefree when you have kids, that is for sure.

I would love it if you clicked on over to read it!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erin-janda-rawlings/welcome-aboard-the-ss-sum_b_7898630.html

 

This would have been a totally reasonable statement to come out of my mouth during those earlier years.

Summer Day Camp

 When the kids were little, the summer days rolled endlessly into one another until I couldn’t tell what day it was.  Marie and Thomas did not like the any of the same things so it seemed that no one was happy at the same time.   Nap schedules and early bedtimes and early rise times had us on lockdown. 

Life was gut-wrenchingly difficult and blissfully easy at the same time.

Our life looks nothing like that anymore.

Last week, the kids were in summer day camp.   They each got to go to one camp that was centered on something that they love.  Marie chose a really cool writing camp, and Thomas went to an animal camp since he wants to be a vet and is obsessed with animal books.

It’s exciting to see them dive into their passion, and it reminds me of how far we have come from those first summers together as a family.  And as much as I like to be there with them when they experience something new, I realize the importance of them have adventures on their own.

Loved hearing all about their day over some strawberry shortcake.
It seems that they remembered the details of the day when they had some sugar.

I embrace the spirit of summer and want my kids to spread their wings and fly!   Even though I may look calm and serene as they take flight, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.  I mean, how could I not be!? They are my kids, and I take their personal safety very seriously. 

I can say with full confidence that the 21-page welcome letter from Marie’s camp that outlined all of the finest of details made me feel comfortable with her adventures away from home.

But Thomas’s camp sent home nothing.  And it was a travel camp, so when I dropped him off at camp, he was hopping on a bus and going somewhere new every day.  I thought, perhaps, that during the last-days-of-school madness, I misplaced the information.  But when I called the camp nervously asking for the information, the secretary at the camp office said in a very, laid-back kind of way, that they do not post that info on the website since they are not sure where the locations will be until two weeks before.

She joyfully explained that campers, age 6-12, would be going to the county fair and nature parks about 45 minutes away.

I was a little nervous that Thomas would be going so far away, but I was excited that he would be going to places that were no where on my short (or long) list of possible outings with either kid.  Yay! Isn’t that what camp is supposed to be about – new experiences without your mom or dad hovering near by?!

But when the secretary told me that they would be going to a zoo all the way in Lansing, which for non-local peeps is over an hour and a half bus ride away, I freaked the eff out. Thomas, who has just finished Kindergarten, was supposed to go that far away.  In a bus.  With essentially strangers.

I know, I know.  I sound like a helicopter mom.  And I hate that because I do want my kids to be fearless and adventurous.

When I manically questioned the camp director about safety procedures that the camp has to keep track of campers, he essentially told me that my kids would all leave the nest at some point.

But my instincts were telling me no on this part. 

And the thing about instincts - I always question them, especially when someone “in charge” is telling me that I should be cutting the cord already.

Wonder if I deprived him of an experience of a lifetime? 

Wonder if, one day while sitting in a therapist’s chair, he says that I robbed him of his independence and emasculated him at the tender age of six by denying him a field trip to the Lansing zoo?

He came home (safely) from camp each day,and he had a blast!  But then he would also cuddle with me and say that he wanted me to put him down for bed.  The week before that, he said that he misses me  . . . even though we are together all day every day.

Part of being a mom is reading between the lines of what is said and what is not being said.

So I kept him home from camp the day he was supposed to go to Lansing zoo and took him to the Detroit zoo instead.  Just me and him.  

Rare one-on-one time exploring one of his favorite places while his sister was at camp.

I love this kid!

It felt good that I could give him my undivided attention.  I think he felt good not having to compete for face time with his sister.

It just felt right.

And in they days to follow, I didn’t feel like he was hanging on to me – his bucket had been filled, and he was OK to go out and explore without me.

Summer is very much about Thomas and Marie having adventures of their own and figuring out who they are.  But it's also about me paying attention to what they say or don’t say, and then listening to that quiet voice inside to decipher the clues so I can figure out how best to guide them.

Then hoping that I did the right thing.