The Moment I Realized I was a Working Mom

When I decided to become a stay-at-home mom, I figured if I ever went back to work again that I would find a job that the kids would never really miss me.  I would be home when they were home, I could volunteer, and go on field trips.

I was pretty sure when I took the teaching position at Walsh College while still blogging, I had found the holy grail of jobs.  I especially thought I did since one class is fully online while the other class requires me to only go in 6 times in a 10 week period.

And then I found out that one of the random Fridays that I had to go in to teach fell on the same day as Thomas’s first field trip in his new school.

I honestly thought there had to be some sort of mistake with the dates and times of the field trip.  How could I honestly miss a field trip?   To the farm?!  I started to play Tetris with my blocks of time to see if I could find a way to make it work.  Short of human cloning, I logistically could not make it.

I thought about asking my boss to switch the days we co-taught, but he had already been so cool with me leaving early on the first day of class so I could make it to Thomas’s first day of preschool that I felt I couldn’t push it. 

I finally had to admit defeat.

This was the first time I truly realized that I was officially a work-at-home-most-of-the-time mom. This spoke to me more loudly than the piles of laundry that don’t get folded or the orange juice that fails to buy itself.

I tried to make my peace with the fact that I would be missing an event with one of the kids for the first time in the seven years I’ve been a full time stay-at-home mom.  But alas, I only was super crabby that morning and fought back tears the rest of the day.

I felt icky and sad that Harrington had taken him on a field trip.  I realize that this was maternal gatekeeping at its best.  I know in order for me to Lean In to this new venture then I am going to have to let Harrington, you know, the father of these children, be a apart of taking care of the kids.  For the record, Harrington was excited to go to his first-ever field trip, and Thomas did totally fine.

See that smile?  Pretty sure he's thinking,
"Mom's missing?  Hm, didn't notice."

 I just thought that I could honestly do this blogging/teaching thing without missing a beat at home.  I think part of me will always identify myself as a stay-at-home mom.  I didn’t have a defining moment where I was leaving the kids everyday to go to an office or a classroom.  The whole transition was so gradual and appeared seamless since I do most of my work from home. 

I do think that missing this field trip was my defining moment.

Do you ever feel guilty for missing your kids’ events or field trips?  How do you deal with it?