Haters Gonna Hate, Makers Gonna Make

Have you ever had your child, so full of hope and light, come to you with a situation in which an adult did not practice kindness?  And  instead of ranting with a colorful assortment of 4-letter words, you come up with a brilliant bit of advice that just sparkles in all of that muckiness?

The other day, Marie decided she wanted to start a business and sell her drawings. Not one to crush that entrepreneurial spirit, I told her to stay on our street  and to take her brother with her.   This was the first time I let them leave the yard without me – yikes

They returned with no art, a snack size zip lock bag full of change, and their eyes twinkling with pride.

I was surprised when, days later, Marie talked about a person who was not want to buy her art. 

“You know,” she reflected, “there was only one person who said he didn’t my want art.  He said that he had enough art and would not be needing anymore.” 

She didn't look wounded, just puzzled as to how someone would not feel compelled to want her creations.

I really only had one thing to say:

“Haters gonna hate.  Makers gonna make.”

Marie said that she needed clarification, so I added this, "Some people are not happy and are uncomfortable when other people's happiness glows from within. They try to take the shininess away so everyone is dull and unhappy like them- these people are the haters. But people who create things because it makes them happy - these are the makers. And their glow should never be dimmed. Haters gonna hate, and makers are going to make."

Soon after this, I had a run in with my own hater. This person did not practice kindness when talking about my very first appearance on live TV.  Because I was nervous to be on TV, I was super proud of this moment; yet I could feel shame and doubt starting to snuff out my light.  And to make matters worse, this happened in front of my kids.  I think the universe was testing me to see if I was listening to my babbling attempts to instill wisdom into my child.

I was listening because that’s when it hit me – I am a maker.  I make things with love.  Haters are not down with that.  Ever.  And then I remembered Marie’s reaction to her hater.

Marie looked at her hater with confusion because she could not fathom how somebody would  not want a drawing that she loved so much.  She was not second-guessing if her drawings were good.  She wasn’t looking for validation; she was looking to share.  Her light remained bright in the shadows of the hater.

 That’s when I decided that I was not going to allow myself to feel small.  I was not going to let my light dim.  I *can’t* let my light dim.  If there is one thing I hate more than a hater, it’s a hypocrite.

So I may choose to hang this in my office, my bathroom, maybe even tattoo it to my wrist, but I have to remember this when people are mean.

Silver Linings

I am a half-empty person my nature.  I have to work really hard to see the glass full.  Making lemonade out of lemons is a skill set that I have worked hard to gain.

So when Marie had her bus incident and we couldn’t find her, I wasn’t even looking for a silver lining because it took all my energy to stay calm.  Even after she was delivered safely back home and I had a chance to wrap my arms around her as I inhaled her sweet scent, I was just thankful she was home.  I couldn’t even fathom a lesson from all of that chaos.

It wasn’t until we sat down to dinner and had a debriefing on the situation that a silver lining had appeared.

Harrington: How did you know you were on the wrong bus?

Marie: When there were only a few people left on the bus, I asked the bus driver when was the last stop.  When she said the next stop was the last one and it was at KinderCare, I knew I was the wrong bus.

Me: What did you tell her?

Marie: I think I’m on the wrong bus.  So I gave her my address.

Me: How did you know to do that?

Me: If I didn’t say anything, how was I going to get home?

I honestly could not have hoped for a better answer.

She spoke up when something was not right.

She did not panic and freeze.

She stayed calm and gave the necessary information to get herself out of the situation.

It is kind of like what Eleanor Roosevelt said:

It brings me great peace that she had the confidence and courage to take care of herself without me right there. 

After she was tucked safely into bed and the house was quiet, I was able to process the whole scene again.  I remember how the moms at the bus stop, most of them that I had just met that very day, stayed with me until I knew the bus driver was trying to find Marie.

A mom I knew before offered to take Thomas, but when he would only girls to play with, another mom offered to take him back to her house to play Legos with her son.

Another mom came by to make sure I was OK and even gave me a hug as I waited anxiously on the sidewalk for the bus to arrive.

The friend that I made earlier in the summer listened to me vent how scared I was.

Deciding to move is a total leap of faith.  Are the neighbors nice?  Will there be kids for my kids to play with?  Since I decided it would be off-putting to interview neighbors in a neighborhood we could potentially move into, the answers really only reveal themselves in time.

My heart is filled with gratitude when I think how these moms stepped in to help a perfect stranger.

And I am thankful for the silver linings. 

Do you have to work hard in finding silver linings?  When was a time you were able to find one in a scary situation?