Thoughts on Letting Go and Being Happy

I think spring is finally here.  I live in Michigan, so although the weather is nice (for now), I do not count on the weather to coordinate with the calendar seasons.

For me, this year spring has been marked by the Listen to Your Mother countdown.  I also set aside a spring deadline for rebranding my blog.  So now that I have my new blog look (which I LOVE and will talk more about in another post) and Listen to Your Mother is right around the corner, I officially declare spring has arrived.

I am not sure if it is the changing of the seasons, but I have been in retrospective mood. My life has been so different since I started blogging almost five years ago.

I am thankful for the opportunities to have my work published on other websites, to be teaching again, to be a part of a production that was once only a dream.

I am grateful for the people that I have made along the way. They have pushed me out of my comfort zone, offered me their friendship, and often saw something in myself that I didn’t quite believe was in me.

I had this notion that I should feel nothing but happy for all of the wonderfulness that has happened.   So I was totally confused by an unexpected twinge of sadness.  I am writing!  I am teaching!  I am in Listen to Your Mother!  Just be happy already!

After some deep contemplation over some Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy Ice Cream, I have come to the conclusion that when one breaks away from their pack (maybe it’s family, maybe it’s lifelong friends) and begins down a path of self-discovery, not everyone will understand this new leg of the journey.

Instead of being happy that you are finally living life according to your inner compass, some question and may even resent your choices. 

For someone who is easily influenced by the need to make others happy (especially at the cost of my own happiness), it has taken an enormous amount of energy to remain true to myself and focus on all of the positive things that have happened.

So I think that unexpected sadness comes from the sense of loss – a loss for the comfy things in my past that were not really that healthy for me anyway. 

I am glad that I am taking the time to get to know myself. I now have the courage and confidence to see certain things - people, personal dynamics, my own destructive behavior patters – for what they are and let go.

Letting go has allowed light to shine in and good things to happen.

Working hard on this.

I'm working on this, but I can't help feel a little nostalgic for the past.

Do you ever miss things from a certain time period of your life?  How do you handle it?  Do you mourn it?  Do you chase it?  

Motherhood: The Early Years in Retrospect

This week, I have been working through my writer’s block and work on my Listen to Your Mother piece.

Combine that with mothering and teaching, I didn’t have a lot of time to work on a post for this week.

However, I did want to share some early photos of when I first became a mom.

This photo was the first day all the teachers went back to school, and I stayed home with my baby.  Even though I was obviously a mom before this point, this moment was really special.  I willingly walked (well, more like sprinted) from my job as a junior high teacher and walked towards a life as a stay-at-home mom.  I knew in the moment, that day was significant, but I never could anticipate how life changing it would be for me.

This photo is the day my fear of not being able to love another baby as much as I loved my first was quelled.  I fell in love with this little guy at first sight.  It is true what they say – the heart grows big enough to fit each child. 

Do you have any retrospective views on motherhood?  I’d love to hear them!