Vancouver Trip: Deep Thoughts Part 2

Alternate Title: I Am Not a Control Freak, but I May Be JWoww

Today will conclude my deep thoughts while in Vancouver. Because, seriously, there’s other important things to talk about like my crippling fear of raw chicken and my new favorite place. So here are some other observations I made while in beautiful Vancouver:

Planner vs. Control Freak
I have come to the realization that I am A Planner. I love to plan for things. It gets me excited. I love to plan birthdays and holidays and fun activities. I like to make sure my alternative caregivers know the plan so they know what the Babes like. If the plan doesn’t work out exactly so, that’s OK, but I think information like how many vitamins to give and what their favorite foods are is helpful information.

I do not think I am A Control Freak (well, maybe about germs and raw chicken). Control Freaks, in my opinion, like to be in control of people. For instance, Control Freaks like to push their views onto others. They see others as an extension of themselves. Control Freaks want their kids to be Just Like Them rather than Be Their Own People. I used to think they were one in the same, but A Planner is much different than A Control Freak. I believe that I am not a Control Freak because I really do encourage The Babes to independent and explore what makes them happy. And by happy, I mean what makes-them-light-up-inside-happy, not eating-a-bottomless-jar-of-cookies-happy.

I also think that the energy of A Control Freak is different than the energy of A Planner. A Planner is pro-active and wants to do and to experience. A Control Freak’s energy is more fear-based and passive aggressive. They are afraid so they control.

This is just not me.

Having said that, I am a lot tad bit obsessive about germs, especially those that are associated with raw chicken.


I think I’ve let the view of others seep into my consciousness and cloud my perception of myself. I think traveling so far away from home helped me to realize the difference. I’m not exactly sure how or why I was able to see this, but instead of trying for figure it out, I am just going to be grateful for the distance to see who I really am.


Faking It
I am becoming more and more proficient in putting on my brave face, not just for the Babes, but for others. Networking makes me nervous, but I wasn’t going to let Harrington see me sweat. I wanted him to focus on this conference and not worry about me. So after weeks of preparing for this trip and an incident of “delayed luggage” (which is a brilliant term used by the airlines for lost luggage) and the overwhelming feeling that it was finally over, I lost. It. Freaked. The. F*CK. Out. I didn’t get the kind of reaction that I wanted because The Hubs was freaking out, too. Part of it is we are both kind of stumbling around all the changes that are going on right now. Another part of it is that I have changed. I used to be that person who was the epitome of an open book.

So the great part - I am mastering grace under pressure. The bad part - people don’t know what I am thinking and then surprised if I have an emotional outburst. Harrington and I had a conversation about this prior to the trip after watching Jersey Shore:

Me: Wow! JWoww is one tough broad. She says what she’s thinking and doesn’t waver. Everyone listens to her.

The Hubs: Why are you so surprised? That’s you.

Me: I’m not that scary, and when my boobs got that big, I pumped.

The Hubs: Everyone who is that strong in what they believe in can be scary to people are insecure.

I am pretty sure that was a compliment, but the bottom line is, if you cut me (or JWoww), we both bleed. If I am going to be brave, then I need support to decompress and refill the tank. In fact, I think part of being brave is respecting personal limits and vocalizing needs. But I do get the confusion: there is a disconnect when actions don't match up to feelings. When I was a kid, it took my Dad a lot to get angry. And when he yelled, it totally took me by surprise. I never knew he was getting angry. Back then, I never understood how he did it, but now I totally get it.

So I am not sure what I think about this new part of my personality emerging. Part of me feels empowered to be in control of my emotions and strong to be there for my family, but sometimes I feel lonely.



Eat, Pray, Love
As I stated in a previous post, I said that I was going to read this book. I am almost done, and I will reserve any and all comments until I am done reading.


So, Friends, have you changed in ways that you didn’t expect? How? Why? Do you often get caught up and start to believe what others think of you?

See you for Feel Good Friday!

Vancouver Trip: Deep Thoughts Part 1

Alternate Title: The Man vs. The Mom

My last post about Vancouver focused on the all the fun and happy thoughts because it was Feel Good Friday. However, I did have some observations that will be divided up into two posts. Yeah, who knew I’d have so many deep thoughts during a vacation.

Vacation vs. Business Trip
I actually misspoke when I said “vacation.” A “vacation” implies that I do what I want when I want to do it. This was not a vacation. It was a business trip for The Hubs, and a welcome, yet at times stressful, change of scenery for me. (And beautiful scenery at that). There was a business side to it for me since I had to go to a breakfast to meet all the other wives. Networking is hard enough when you all have something in common, say at BlogHer. Here there was a bit more navigating to find common ground.

Full-time Business World vs. Full-time Caregiver World
I got a glimpse into Harrington’s world. I used to think that when he was going out to entertain clients, he was drinking and carousing and having a fun time. Kind of like when we were in college, except with a tad bit more money. I would like to retract that uninformed opinion because I now see that he really is working. (Yes , it is out here, for all the Internet to see that I WAS WRONG). He and his clients aren’t sitting around talking about their kids or what happened on Jersey Shore or anything fun. Well, maybe fun for a little while to grease the wheels (more on that thought later). They are talking about business. One night, I went out with some clients whose wives were not with them. They were kind enough to take a break from business talk to discuss private schools versus public schools (a conversation I had had with one of the wives earlier that day). So that was nice, but I could sense I was getting in the way. And I was exhausted. And I don’t understand the jargon of The Business yet (which sound a bit organized crime-ish, but could not be further from that). So I excused myself to go to bed.

Although it seems like they are talking about sports and fun stuff, it’s really just to get down to business. And each person pushing their own agenda. Harrington often wonders why he’s so successful at work, but when he comes home, he can’t swing in and use his same successful work techniques. I think I can wrap up the answer up in two words: Agenda and Ego.

At work, he is constantly, yet subtly, pushing his own agenda. However, when raising kids and being of service to them, my own agenda is pretty much dropped. (And “being of service to them,” I don’t mean giving into their every whim, I mean giving of myself to them without expecting anything in return). My agenda, when it comes to them, is to help cultivate healthy, happy, and independent people. I’m not thinking about how I can get The Babes to do This or That so it benefits me. And not that Harrington is bad for thinking that way; in fact, I think that’s how one must think when functioning in the business world. His job is to make sure what he does benefits The Man.

But that’s not how raising kids works. Raising kids is all about what’s best for them. And what’s best is not always the most cost-effective, or the easiest, or the most time-efficient.

The whole ego thing is tied in there because when pushing a personal agenda, a person is thinking of themselves (or The Man). When a full-time caregiver’s main duty is to change poopy diapers, the ego fades pretty fast. I have a bit more to say about that here (scroll down to #3).

And please don’t mistake this as martyrdom. I have this one friend who always says, “It’s all about the kids. I don’t ever have time to go on the computer or talk on the phone or take a shower because they always need something. And I’m happy to do that. Because that’s what I am. A Mom. ” I totally don’t buy that, but that’s a post for another time. I believe that anyone who is of service to others needs to refill the tank. I blog. I think that’s pretty obvious that I am a strong believer in Me Time.

In fact, my next post goes to demonstrate that exact thing.


So, Friends, what deep thoughts (or shallow, no discrimination here) are you thinking today?

Feel Good Friday – Vancouver in Review

I did it!  I made it across the country, through three time zones and Customs, and reached the foreign country of Canada. Overall, it was an exciting adventure, and since this is a Feel Good Friday post, I’m going to stick with the fun stuff and leave the introspective observations for another post.

I forgot how much I loved to travel. The thought of being somewhere different and interesting always got my blood pumping. I was reminded of this love when I saw this:

I live in the Midwest and the scenery where I live really lacks that beautiful, rugged mountain look. I always feel inspired when I see different scenery.

When we got to the room of the Four Seasons, we ordered a little snack:

I've never really ordered room service ever.  The cheese platter was awesome, and I felt the honeycomb added a little something extra to the blue cheese.  And the crab cake balls - outstanding!

We then got ready to go to the cocktail reception party. It reminded me a little bit of the Mouthy Housewives party with all the free wine and delicious snacks. Well, that’s pretty much the only similarity. And since I’m on the subject of food, there was this big, breaded thing on a stick, and being around The Babes all the time, I TOTALLY thought it was a chicken nugget. Ah, but alas, I was pleasantly surprised by finding it was a big, giant delicious prawn. Yum! Unfortunately, there are no pictures to document this delectable treat because I was trying really hard to fit in (because we all know networking is a skill I am trying to improve), and I thought that taking pictures may put a damper on my goal to blend right in.

The next day we went on The Tour. It was AWESOME! I have always wanted to see the nature of the Pacific Northwest. These pictures pretty much show it all:

Up Grouse Mountain in a gondola . . .

. . . to see some bears (which look really quite gently when taking a sip from a pond). . .

 . . . to see a lumberjack show . . .

 . . .then back down the mountain to see a resevoir. . .

. . . and a dam . . .

. . . then we walked across the Capilano Suspension Bridge which is 230 feet high and 450 feet long (unfortunately I didn't realize that this was going to such an Indiana Jones-esque adventure because I would have brought my fedora and whip). . .

. . . this is what is below the bridge. . .

. . . to a treetop area with lots of little suspension bridges which reminded me of where the Lost Boys from Peter Pan would live. . .

. . . then we ended our tour at the fish hatchery to watch salmon jump up stream and  learned all about their life cycle which sounds kind of uninteresting but was actually quite fascinating.

Something about this part of the world nestled itself right into my soul. I know that sounds corny, but I fell in love with this scenery. I am, what I consider, mainly a beach girl. But lately, I have had this yearning to go to somewhere mountainous. I would love to go back to a place like this and spend some time there.

In addition, I did meet some nice people. This is a good thing because now I know some people when I have to do this all over again in another six months in another city.

You know that saying about one of the best things about traveling is going back home. Totally true:




Home is where the heart is. . .right here with these Babes.


So, do you have any travel plans? Where’s your favorite place to go?

Hope you have a great weekend! It’s great to be back!

The Eve of My Vancouver Trip – Feel Good Friday

 

Be sure to check out The Girl Next Door Grows Up. I *heart* her!

I will be out of town in Vancouver (I just threw up in my mouth a little when I typed that. I need some Listerine). I will be posting from the future on Tuesday and Thursday since I am not sure what my access to a computer will be or what will be awaiting me when I get back. And I can’t use my phone since International Rates apply.

Check lists make me feel good.  I have a certain inner peace when I can cross items off my list.  Here's what I have so far:

- Clean house (otherwise called shoveling shit against the tide)



As I was cleaning other rooms, this was what was going on: another mess.  Instead of getting upset, I thought this was a chance for them to plot against me play together.  It was a success.  No fighting!


- Clean laundry . . .for everyone (I decided I was done when there wasn’t any more room to hang dry the clothes. . . and then there were towels)

- Meals made so none of the caregivers have to cook (feeling like a June Cleaver Rock Star for this one: black bean tacos for two nights and left over frozen pasta Bolognese for the other two nights).

- Packed (I am hoping I remembered everything.  And if not, there are stores there)

- Book to read (Eat Pray Love because I have to see what everyone is talking about)

- Grocery shopping (Fresh fruit and treats for everyone)!

- Instructions with important phone numbers (In addition to important information like when school starts, I added how The Babes prefer their food to be served.  Yes, I felt the need to type out how to cut up Thomas’s food. Yes, I think it’s a bit over the top. Yes, I think it will make me feel better even if they don’t follow it)

- Anxiety (on many levels: will I fit in with The Hubs’s work people? Did I pack the right clothes? Are my kids going to be OK? Will I be OK)?

- Guilt (because I’m leaving My Babes)!

- Excitement (because I’m leaving My Babes)!

- Hair highlighted, cut, and brows waxed (Roots, split ends, and furry eyebrows do not make the best first impressions)

- DVR set up (That thing is going to be ON FIRE)!

- Cliff bars (Because I am comforted by the fact that I have high protein/high fiber food available at all times)

- Passport (I dusted it off since it hasn’t been used in 5 years)

Am I missing anything?
Bon Voyage! Wish me luck! If I can check in, I will. If not, please still leave comments. I’ll respond when I get back!

Have a great weekend!