If you follow me on Twitter or are fan on the Mommy on the Spot page on Facebook, then you know I have been bitching up a storm about getting ready for my Treasure Sale (which sounds way better than garage sale). (garage sale sounds like I have junk, whereas a Treasure Sale sounds like I am parting with my Beloved Possessions because they no longer fit our lives). During the process of the Treasure Sale, a few Intangible Treasures have been discovered.
1. I think that I am more overwhelmed than I realize. Or maybe sifting through almost ten years of stuff is just too much while taking care of little ones. But I felt that I almost had a mental breakdown during this time. I don’t know, but I just feel drained. Is this normal part of purging? I don’t know. Or is that just a normal part of taking care of a 1 year old and a 4 year old?
2. I think that I am lonelier than I care to admit. It’s like I am never alone, but often feel lonely. I am taken back by this because I feel that I am kind of hitting a stride in my mothering skills and have created a nice circle of friends. So why am I like this? I think it has to do with the face that the person I share my life with just doesn’t get what it’s like to be a mom, let alone a stay-at-home one. It’s not that Harrington doesn’t value my prowess in SAHM-y skills; it’s just that he doesn’t get what it takes to take care of a house and kids. I don’t know why this should bother me. My friend Ali at Sunrise Rants talked about living in a village. I totally get this.
3. The Male Ego is tough to crack. I will not bore you with all the tedious details of the arguments surrounding the prepping of the Treasure Sale. Let’s just say that when I want something done around here and it’s put off or done as quickly as possible with little concern to quality, I take it personally. This is my “office,” and when it comes to certain things, please just respect the way that I do it. Don’t let your ego get in the way. I feel like there is little talk of the Female Ego. . . probably because it went out the window when giving birth. The whole mothering, nurturing thing leaves little room for an ego. The birthing process, nursing, being pooped on, vomited on, calming irrational fears, learning the special patience that is required to put up with little ones – all that destroys the ego so the heart can grow and give the Babes what they need. That in turn takes a lot out of me. So if I need a little extra support, be it emotional or manual labor, to get through a tough day or an extra duty such as the Treasure Sale, I feel it should be given. Without reservation.
So, yeah, who knew I would find these gems right alongside my old papasan chair (my first piece of furniture I bought all on my own for my new apartment) and Wizard of Oz poster (from my childhood room).
Because this is going to take some time, I probably won’t get to posting for Feel Good Friday or comment much on your blogs. But I will be back next week!
Wish me luck!
12 comments:
I appreciate you and love you for sharing all your "stuff" with us. Men just don't get it, never have, never will. Don't worry about it.
I wish you the very best with your Treasure Sale. Please remember 10 years from now when you decide to do this again I'll be happy to look up the number for Goodwill for you. They actually appreciate the time it took to get this stuff ready for them to pick up.
Maybe the maternal stars are misaligned right now. I found myself breaking down in my coworkers office yesterday morning when responding to her story about how her husband didn't help while she worked all through preparing and cleaning up dinner with my story about how I went to bed exhausted at 10 the night before without doing a thing for myself and the only thing I could get together for my lunch was plain brown rice with soy sauce on it. And not even enough soy sauce at that.
Said friend showed up at lunch with hummus and crackers and grapes and made me eat and chat. How we need to be mothered ourselves! That's why the village thing is so key - I always think about how life evolved, how babies evolved, how families evolved - And I'm positive we evolved in villages. So there's something about all this separation that's happened in the past few hundred years that is unnatural. We need each other because that's how we got here and I hope we don't evolve to be any different than that.
So yes, you may have mastered your life but still be missing some sense of shared experience, shared work, shared joy. I hope you can find enough bits and scraps to piece a sense of comfort together. It's a challenge for all of us. But we are all doing it!
Good luck at the sale. I'm shipping my husband out to watch the World Cup so we can do what we please at ours.
And as my brother would post on my blog in an anonymous comment pretending to me someone else, try a strong alcoholic beverage here and there :-)
I think you must be my twin...or at least my emotional twin. I am going through a lot of those things, too. I especially get the lonely thing. I have some friends...but not a close friend. You know, like your best friend in HS? I also have a wonderful husband who doesn't get me. He is great. He tries. He doesn't get it. I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm not sure how to fix it. I'm thinking it has something to do with the age of our children, too. I think when they get a little more independent we will be able to be a little more social.
Oh - and I'm with Ali P. I was drinking rum and Diet Pepsi yesterday and it didn't solve anything, but it did help a little bit...just took the edge off - all in moderation, of course. :)
This article was really beautiful and touched on so many feelings that I feel women share. The entire thing about the female ego and how we just naturally give it up is sooo true! I don't like to separate the sexes BUT... I have a teenage son who is wonderful but very machismo (NEVER a Mama's boy) and my husband is my high school sweetheart. They are both GREAT men but they do not get me at ALL!!!
I can relate to the lonely feeling too. I've had times in my life when circumstances lent themselves to much more of a village atmosphere and it was fabulous for me and my family. I prefer that to the solo nuclear family of just 2 men and me. Thanks for your thoughts on all it was very heartfelt!
Our "treasure sale" turned into a 'free give it away' thing...but we advertised it as a "free sale."
Your other treasures are really intriguing and things you should remember....
I'll be thinking about you this week end and wishing you all the best of luck with your Treasure Sale. Can't wait to hear all about it.
Good luck with the treasure sale and with your husband. maybe you should hurt your back and then he would see how hard you work if you were laid up for a couple of days?
My first husband didn't get it amongst other things, but Tyler knows how hard it is and I am eternally grateful and lucky!!!!!
Ali P.'s brother is onto something...a strong alcoholic beverage cures many ailments :)
We mothers are never going to be lauded in the manner we think we should from our significant others. That's just human nature and the difference between the genders. But, the more the babes are left home with dad alone the more he starts to realize that HE can't get anything done either.
The moment I realized my husband was capable of taking care of two babies alone (not to my specifications, mind you, but still good enough!) the more I started to get out of the house to meet up with my girlfriends or just be by myself. Ahhhhh, my sanity returned to normal levels, slowly but surely.
Even if it's only once a month (Bunco in your neighborhood?) it's essential that you get out on your own. For hours at a time. Maybe even all day. Dad will survive.
I am 8 years into motherhood and I still haven't figured out the lonely, but never have alone time phenomenon. It's crazy, but a real issue. If you ever do figure it out, please post and let the rest of us know the answer.
PS-LOVE your line about destroying the ego so the heart can grow. So sweet!
I think that people underestimate how lonely it is to be a stay-at-home parent. Honestly, it's so isolating. These years are good ones--but they're also very, very hard.
Hi, I am your newest follower :) I love this post btw! Your words perfectly explain how it is to be a sahm. I didn't realize how lonely & exhausting it would be & hubby doesn't always understand or offer much help when I am overwhelmed. Thanks for your post!
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