Here’s to the Next Chapter – May the Light Always Shine Bright

Before I get going on this post, I wanted to share with you a link for the post I did at Band Back Together. I am very proud of this post, and this is a fantastic website. Please take some time to check it out.

Also, I will be writing a post on recharging batteries. This post includes a survey I created over at The Skinny Scoop. Please check it out. I would love your feedback.

Ok, now down to business.

In the past three weeks, The Babes have hit quite a few milestones over here. Thomas got his first official summer haircut. Last summer, I didn’t have to cut it so short because it wasn’t as thick. But I could see the sweat mixed with sunblock dripping from his forehead and knew I had to do it. I am very partial to the longer, messier look, but it’s hotter than hell out here, so what is one to do? Thankfully, my brother was able to cut it short without looking, well, how I can say this, boring bowl cut.

Pretty damn cute, if you ask me! 

It kind of broke my heart a bit because he looked so much older. And even though I usually am not the mournful type because leaving a phase (especially a baby phase) means something much more fun and exciting. But this time was different.

I think this might have something to do with it.

As you know, Marie turned five last month. Which was pretty big in and of itself. And then two weeks later, she *takes a deep breath* lost her first tooth. It went from kind of loose to totally ready to fall it so quickly. Next thing I know, Harrington gave it one little twisty-turn and out it came. She looked like a character from Twilight as the blood came spilling out all over her other teeth. Ick.

"Holy shit!  What just happened!
Why does Mommy look like she's going to pass out?
And that rumor about the Tooth Fairy bringin $5 for
the first tooth better be true."

I was totally not ready for that. Not just the blood, but how it changed her face. It also changed how she talked. It forced me to look at her differently. She’s not the little two year old we took to Myrtle Beach with her chubby legs and wispy hair, barely able to put into pigtails. She’s not even the three year old who was not so sure of the play structure at the park.

No, she’s a five year old, who is losing her baby teeth to make room for the *adult* teeth.

As if that wasn’t enough, she graduated from preschool this week. And in the fall she will be going to Kindergarten.

"Big crowds?  Lots of attention?
This is so not my scene.  So much so
I could care less about the chocolate fountain.
Get. Me. Out. Of. Here. Now."

I am not usually that mom that’s all sad about moving on to the next phase. I was relieved when I was done with nursing her after ten lllooooonnnngggg months (and was happy not to have wash bottles anymore for Thomas). I joyfully said good bye to diapers (which, please, Thomas, please let’s start giving this potty thing a *real* try). I was excited when she started preschool.

I was even OK with her giving up her naps because we had more flexibility to do more fun stuff, go on more adventures.

But there is something about starting Kindergarten that just yanks at my heart strings. Maybe I look at through this lens of my youth. I always felt that I didn’t quite fit in and had a hard time making friends. I fear for the bullying that is out of control.

I’m afraid that Marie will loose that light in her eyes. The one that shines from the inside out because she’s totally excited about life and not afraid to be herself. Before Hannah Montana and all the other bullshit shows out there that tell her what “cool” is.

This process of letting go is so very bittersweet. (And if you saw my status on Facebook or Twitter, it’s like 60% Ghirardelli Bittersweet Chocolate Chips . . . which has been my chosen method of self-soothing. Well, that and chocolate ice cream). (No judging . . . whatever works, right?) (Right?!)

As I said earlier, there will be new adventures to be had. I couldn’t have done Chicago and enjoyed all the sights we saw if Marie was still a baby. Some of my greatest childhood memories are going on similar trips and adventures. And I am looking forward to going on adventures with The Babes.

"I have found Heaven.  It's here in Chicago.
In the Ghirardelli Chocolate Shop. Mommy and Nana
are right.  Everything is better with ice cream."

One chapter is definitely closed.

A new one is definitely opened.

And no matter what, I will try to keep that light bright and shiny.

Can vs. Should

I have felt exhausted. I blame birthday season. What the numbers didn’t show was the mental toll it took on me, seeing as I downplayed all the drama. I just feel there was a lot of emotion attached to each event. Not to mention that Harrington was gone for a lot of the season.
I was feeling like I was *waiting* to see what everyone else’s schedule was so maybe, just maybe I could *squeeze* a little, itty bit of me time in. And sometimes that me time was an eye appointment.

And to make sure that I was getting everything done, I fell out of balance. I was drinking copious amounts of coffee and looking a bit too forward to wine at the end of the day. Everything got done, but it was at the expense of my health. I was having a hard time sleeping, and my stomach was always in knots. So I guess a lesson I learned with all this is this:

Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

Sure, I can plan a ton of events and do all the cleaning and do all the running around and do all the cooking and do all the cleaning and do all the laundry (and did I mention cleaning, because I feel that I went through gallons and gallons of Windex, bathroom cleaner, and dust spray). But in the end, I felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails. And I feel like I just need to respect the face that I am hardwired for stress and have a hard time decompressing.

To be honest, I didn’t realize how much of a toll this took on me until after a few weeks of not having to get emotionally ready for a party, just how light I felt. The Babes and I were outside enjoying the sunshine while I was planting our garden (another post, because this year, I went all out), and I felt much more relaxed. It was like I had more mental real estate space available to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the next.

I realized that I had not been enjoying The Babes. I also did not have the energy to do the things that I enjoy. Gym time and yoga weren’t happening. I was disappointed by the quality of my posts. And I was resenting being last on the list while I squared everyone else away, hoping that there was a scrap of time for me.
I need to find my groove again and restore balance to my life.

(Also, I know I was away from blogging for too long when Skinny Scoop sent me an email wondering where I was).

So I thought this would be a great time to create a survey. How do you recharge your batteries? Clearly, what I was doing was not working. So please, take a second to answer the survey. I plan on writing a follow up post on this.

http://www.skinnyscoop.com/

I am glad to be able to spend more time writing and connecting with you. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!