Christmas Traditions: A Letter to my Kids

Dear Thomas and Marie,

It is almost Christmas, and although this season is a lot of work, I would not trade it for anything in the world.

I love our traditions.

One year I had to get Marie out of the house because the fumes from our freshly painted basement was too much. I cranked up the heat in the car and took you for a drive around the neighborhood in your jammies to look at lights. The tradition stuck, and we now listen to Christmas music in our jammies as we drive around and look at lights.

I look forward to baking cookies with you and decorating them with Nana and Papa. This tradition was handed down to you since I used to bake cookies with Nana.

December 2009. Look at those cheeks.

December 2011. This face!

I love how we always get dressed in Christmasy clothes and write letters to Santa at Macy's. This tradition was created because you were both too scared to sit on Santa's lap. We eat in the mall food court before finishing up Christmas shopping for daddy. 

December 2012: This is one of my most favorite photos of them in the
history of their photos. Which is a lot of photos.

Our new Christmas Eve tradition of putting on our new Christmas jammies, watching a Christmas movie while eating Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate is one of my favorites. It is cozy and relaxing and so different than any thing I ever experienced as a kid. I enjoy this maybe a pinch more than the highly coveted Christmas morning.

Christmas Eve 2012. Hot Chocolate through a straw.
And by hot, I really mean lukewarm chocolate milk.

I cherish these rituals that are perfect for our little family.

I try to memorize how your little bodies feel all snuggled up under the favorite brown, fleecy blanket while we watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

I record your giggles as you sneak the chocolate chips meant for the Hello, Dolly bars because you didn't think I heard you.

In my mind, I etch the excited look on your faces as you find each house with lights the most amazing house in the whole entire world.

I realize how fleeting this time is, and one day you may not want to wear Christmas jammies and drink hot chocolate with me. 

 And one day, if you decide to have a family of your own, we may not even be able to see each other on Christmas. This, of course, will be sad for me, but I want you to remember this: I will be fine.  I mean, you don't have to be jerks to me, but just know that I understand as life evolves, so do traditions.

Our traditions are based on being together because we love to be together. Not guilt. Not out of obligation.  Nothing sucks the joy out of Christmas than feeling stifled to keep a tradition that no longer fits.  I mean, how ridiculous would it be if we still were writing letters to Santa when you're 25, right?

Being a part of your lives will always be important to me, and because of that, I promise that I will not get hung up on the tradition that it becomes more important than the people who are celebrating.

Also, I am writing this as you are both only 4 and 7 years old, but I know how frustrating it can be to incorporate new and old traditions together.  Feel free to show me this because I know that I will want to buy you Christmas jammies (and calling them jammies) forever.

Love your favorite Christmas elf, 

Mommy

Reasons I *Heart* Valentine’s Day

I love Valentine’s Day.  I know some people get all uppity and cynical; they claim it’s a Hallmark Holiday.

I could not disagree more.

I am totally OK with a holiday that

A) Celebrates people I love.  It’s not that I need a holiday to do that, but there is something about this holiday that adds some fun and lightness to it.  Maybe it’s the fun décor or yummy treats without the stress of planning parties to accommodate everyone’s different and busy schedules.  It’s just fun.  (Side note: it’s not like we don’t buy presents and are nice to others only at Christmas.  Why does Valentine’s Day get the bad rap?)

B) Breaks up the monotony of winter. (Which has been especially monotonous with barely any snow and 47 days plus of sickness).

C) Revolves around eating chocolate in various forms.  Cupcakes, candy, whatever.  I love it.  (Except Hershey Kisses.  Ever since Thomas was born, that particular brand of chocolate tastes like dirt to me.  At first I was sad.  Now, I (and the scale) am totally fine with it).

Here’s the thing: I love holidays mostly because I love the tradition of it all.  It makes me feel happy and cozy.  I want The Babes to look back and say they had fun baking cupcakes and making cards.  I want them to remember eating their favorite meal (this year, it will be tacos) on the fun tablecloth. 

I have vivid memories of sitting around my kitchen table as a kid opening the Valentine’s card and some candy from my parents and brother.  Ordinary, yet special stuff.

Traditions, whether it’s shopping for Valentine’s Day stuff or baking Christmas cookies or eating pizza while we watch a movie together every Friday night, are what hold us together as a family. 

Hope you have a happy Valentine’s Day!

My Thoughts on Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve Eve.  There are only few mere hours left until the pinnacle of Christmas holiday.  I love how the traditions make me feel all cozy and warm and secure like cuddling up with my favorite blanket.  I love how they connect me with my childhood.   In a sea of change, I can count on baking cookies and listening to Johnny Mathis and watching It’s a Wonderful Life.

But then there are times when traditions highlight how different my life is now and how much I have changed from that little girl in her nightgown, afraid to get out of her bed just in case Santa was still unloading her presents.

Let me explain.

My Dad’s side of the family is 157% Polish.  He is one out of six brothers and sisters, and Christmas is A. Big. Deal.  The celebration is steeped in tradition.  Preceding the feast of homemade golumpkie (gwumpkie), pierogi, and kapusta, there is a nativity reading in which people from each family participate (sometimes in costume).  We sing Christmas songs until Santa arrives to give us presents (but not until after he gives us a rundown of our year to determine if we are on the good list).  Mad chaos are the only words to describe not only the flurry of wrapping paper being thrown about, but the fury in which we open our presents.

It’s nuts.

And I loved it . . . until Marie came along.

The intoxicated Santa that was kind of funny before now was scary as he slurred to my baby.  Eating dinner two hours late which had been annoying was now infuriating as poor Marie was forced to wait until her bedtime to eat dinner.

Other factors contributed to my bad taste of Christmas Eve.  My older cousins all have older, teenaged kids and do their own thing.   My Dad’s family is as thick as thieves and, even though I felt like I earned my way in by being a full-fledged adult with kids and a mortgage and a burning desire to participate in our family on a new level, I felt that they were not accepting any new members into the inner circle.

A lot of incidents occurred that made me feel awkward, but the time when we were over an hour late eating, and Thomas (not even one years old yet) was starving, I went downstairs to feed him. 

Alone.

 Yes, my Mom and Harrington came to check on me.  And a few of my cousins’ kids were down there talking about things I wish they wouldn’t in front of Marie (who was three).  But the majority of people were upstairs enjoying cocktail hour,  as I tended to my motherly duties.

I felt like I didn’t belong.

I decided not to go to Christmas Eve last year and our plans with Harington’s family fell through.  It felt weird not going to the big party, which was to be expected.  But The Babes did not crash and burn on Christmas morning, which was very nice.

So I decided to push forward with this new tradition, even though it didn’t feel quite right.

Until Aunt Carol called.

She told me how fleeting this all is.  One of the sisters had passed on and we need to stay together.  She told me that Christmas is about kids, and my kids brought the magic to Christmas.  She told me that I might be sad one day knowing that my kids would never know our Christmas Eve traditions.

I fought back my tears and said I was sad to not be going to Christmas Eve.  I confessed to her how I feel left out because I have little ones.   I told her that  I wanted to be a part of this family, but I felt that I just didn’t belong anymore.  (Not the tears were streaming down my face).

She said that I’m a part of this family.  As crazy as it is and how out of control Christmas Eve becomes, it’s special.  And it’s ours.

She told me to just think about it.

So I did.

And we’re going.

I’m excited to honor my traditions and share them with The Babes.  (I also feel more confident in how to navigate around uncomfortable issues).

But I’m also very emotional.  I feel emotional because Aunt Carol cared enough to kick my ass with a heart to heart. I feel emotional because it’s true; you never know how long you have with your loved ones, and this family gathering rich in tradition, is special.  I mean, I don’t know a lot of families that still get the majority of three generations together under one roof with homemade Polish food.

 I feel emotional because things have not been easy with this extended family: situations change and dynamics shift.  Also, some of the cousins I grew up, moved away, and I don’t come to Christmas Eve that often.  It all makes me sad.  I haven’t felt a part of this group for a very long time.  And I accepted my lot on the sidelines. 

I feel emotional because I now understand how Christmas can be a time to come together with family; the ties and history and love can be stronger than differences.    

Happy Holidays!

Nostrovia!

Christmas Traditions: Making It Our Own

Before I get started on today’s post, I would like to thank everyone who came out to the Children’s Hospital of Michigan Foundation Toy Drive sponsored by Detroit Mom Bloggers. It was great to see some familiar faces (Mom, Dad, Uncle Gary), and it was also fantastic to meet some new people (Scott and Lauren from MOBIBO).



Speaking of MOBIBO, be sure to click on the MOBIBO banner because for every downloaded app because they will donate .25 cents to the Children’s Hospital of Michigan Foundation. This app is so great because not only does it tell you of the great deals going on around you, it *pays* you when you click on the adds. (Think along the lines of a mobile billboard). Check it out! Thursday is the last day!



And now on with the show . . .



I love Christmas. I love all the traditions as a kid and now passing them on to The Babes. They like a lot of the traditions that I introduced to them: Christmas cookies, decorating the tree, singing Christmas songs, watching Christmas movies.



Some are fiercely rejected. And by some, I guess I mean just one: Santa. Thomas and Marie are totally and completely scared of Santa. A lot of parents use visiting Santa as leverage for good behavior. Not me. Why just the other day, I told Thomas that if he didn’t stop crying for candy (after the cookies I just gave him), maybe we should go visit Santa and talk about healthy choices. He eventually stopped because meeting Santa face to face was not worth the fight for candy.



And Thomas loves candy more than anything else in the whole entire world.



So instead of sitting on some strange and scary man’s lap, we write letters to Santa and put them in the big, red mailbox at Macy’s. Then we look at Santa and his display on the first floor safely from the second floor of the mall and *maybe* wave to him. If they are feeling especially brave, that is. We did this last year, and it worked out really well this year, too.



I am all for traditions, but I think it’s important to be flexible and respect Thomas’s and Marie’s fears. If forcing them to sit on Santa’s lap is going to be traumatizing, I rather skip it. There’s enough drama with the holidays without creating it, no?



What traditions do you modify in your holiday celebrations?