I Could Use Your Help

There is nothing like waking up one morning and feeling like you failed as a mother. This morning, when Harrington was changing Thomas’s , Marie said, and I quote, “You should swipe Thomas so then he’d be dead.” Words cannot describe how devastated I was by this comment. I should mention that Marie just learned what “dead” means, but when I asked her what that meant to her, she couldn’t tell me. Regardless, even though she doesn’t know what it means, she does know it’s not nice. And it has been stressful here. Thomas doesn’t have words, so he screams. A lot. We try signing with him, but he’s a little impatient. I know that I sometimes am impatient, but I always try to be kind and explain that we need to teach him words, and in the meantime, we need to be patient with him. I have never, even said or even implied that I wish we didn’t have Thomas. Have I mentioned how devastated I am right now?

I am really sensitive to sibling relationships because the one I have with my brother is so strained. As strained as it is, I can honestly say it’s not due to the garden variety sibling rivalry. There are some other issues putting a hamper on having a healthy relationship.

I really, really, really want Thomas and Marie to get along. I have been looking up books on strong and healthy families, but I haven’t found anything that I feel would be helpful. I keep thinking that when the weather is nicer, we could do more things together since I feel there are more things that both a 1 and an almost 4 year old could do together, like going to the park and going on the swing set in our backyard. But that still doesn’t seem to be working. And I feel like a failure.

I would appreciate any suggestions, tips, or books that worked for you.