Follow up

This summer, I started writing my book. 

Starting is the hardest part.  I had wanted to start since last fall, but I just couldn’t.  I was stuck.  With both kids in school full-time for the first time ever, I couldn’t figure out how to fit in writing a book along with blogging, teaching, and managing my primary caregiver responsibilities.

Elizabeth Gilbert and Cheryl Strayed helped me get to the root of being stuck: fear. 

It was totally fear.  However, it was so pervasive, I didn’t even recognize it.

Fear looked like the low-grade sadness that I thought was just the result of a freezing cold winter with unpredictable snow days.

Fear looked like busyness.  I was too busy managing calendars, my part-time work-from-home job, doing laundry, and cooking meals to even *think* about writing a book.

 Fear convinced me that writing would make me a bad mom.  I would become so consumed that I would become emotionally unavailable to my kids as they foraged for cold cereal to eat for dinner while navigating around piles of laundry and dirty dishes. And nothing is worse than a mom who neglects her kids, especially if it is to be creative.

But after five months of writing, I can say with full confidence that those fears are completely unfounded.  I actually feel more balanced and present when I am consistently creative.  I also like that my kids are seeing how to fit creativity into their lives as a grownup.  They are also feeling the lightness that comes with being engaged in work I love.

I’ve also had to make some adjustments to my blog routine.  I have discovered that it is difficult to post once a week and keep up with writing.  So for now, I am dialing back.  I will be starting a newsletter, and my first one will go out this weekend.  If you are curious about how the book is coming along or social media updates that you might have missed along with some other content of mine, here is the link to sign up.  I would be honored if you did.

I am not saying that it – the creative process of writing a book – is easy.  I am working through my adrenaline addiction of playing Tetris with the color blocks on my calendar as I try not to overschedule my day.  I have found that exhaustion, both physical and mental, is the quickest ways to kill my creativity. I am waking up at 5:15am to write before the kids get up for school which means curbing my voracious need to read the whole Internet before I go to bed.

This journey to put my story to paper is difficult.  The actual showing up and having the courage to write is emotionally taxing.  I am easily distracted by my “mothering” tab that is always up and running. 

But I made a contract with Inspiration to write this book.  This shift in thinking inspired by Elizabeth in Big Magic* has helped me stay motivated.  Just like I honor all of the other contracts in my life, I  am committed to seeing this book to its completion.

But it is so worth it.

I feel more “me” than I can ever remember.

**I was not compensated for this post.  I just think that everyone should know about this awesome book.

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Since I am committing more time to writing my book, my blog might not be as active.

I have a newsletter that I will start sending in October.  You can sign up here.

You can always find me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.  I would love to connect with you there, too!

Cheryl Strayed on Magic Lessons Podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert

 When I was a high school junior, I had to fill out a form about what I wanted to do with my life.

On the form was a space fill out what job you wanted when you grew up.

I wrote down “writer” without fanfare or trepidation.  I just knew that’s what I wanted to do.

My aptitude test suggested funeral home coordinator.  The closest I got to this was working briefly as a receptionist at a pet crematorium in college, but that’s a story for another time.

I didn’t know how to be a writer or what that would look like, so I did the closest thing to being a writer: a junior high English teacher. 

However, my soul knew that close enough wasn’t good enough, in this case.

Fast forward fifteenish years later, and I am receiving some pretty powerful lessons in living a creative life.

Last week, Elizabeth Gilbert debuted her Magic Lessons podcast where she talks to me about mycreative struggles.  She wanted to bring in a writer who is also a mom, and that person was CherylStrayed .  In case you missed it, I wrote a blog post professing my love for her memoir Wild.

I love Cheryl’s advice, but what I also loved is that she painted a very clear picture of the sacrifices she has had to make in order to create her art.

So often, I think that people guard the way they do business, maybe because they don’t want to be judged for their choices.  So we are led to believe it’s easy and life is seamless.

Wowza!!! Check out the latest installment of my new podcast MAGIC LESSONS, featuring the fierce and beautiful @cherylstrayed ! So much power and wisdom in that woman... You can download it on these platforms: Soundcloud: http://bit.ly/MagicLessons iTunes: http://apple.co/1SmUTlW Stitcher: http://bit.ly/1Jhuukx #MagicLessons #CherylStrayed #podcast #soundcloud #iTunes #creativity #motherhood #writing #onward #makers #onward

A photo posted by Elizabeth Gilbert (@elizabeth_gilbert_writer) on Jul 22, 2015 at 8:10am PDT

I also struggle with sharing my truth and honoring the privacy of the people in my life.  In fact, I think that is the main reason I have not started my book sooner.

Her insight gained from writing has reminded me that there is always a bigger purpose, in addition to finding your own clarity:

    

I am forever grateful to have this opportunity.

Here are the links to the podcast:

You can download the MAGIC LESSONS podcast episodes here:
Soundcloud (http://bit.ly/MagicLessons)
iTunes (http://apple.co/1SmUTlW)
Stitcher (http://bit.ly/1Jhuukx)

What I’m Reading: Wild by Cheryl Strayed

 Since both kids have been in school all day, I have rediscovered my love for reading. I have read over six books since September.  I have not done that since Marie was born nine years ago.

I forgot how therapeutic it is to become totally absorbed in someone else’s story.  I love the feeling of being transported to a new place and seeing life from someone else’s viewpoint, yet finding myself at the same time.

I’m really drawn to books about self-discovery right now.  For me, having kids has really forced me to figure out who I am and what I stand for.

That is why I love Wild. She was out there alone on the Pacific Crest Trail, mostly in silence to figure out who she really was.

 Away from her circumstances.

 Away from her vices. 

Away from her sadness.

With the beautiful and challenging backdrop of the Pacific Crest Trail, Cheryl was able to take an honest look at her life, the good and the bad, and make sense of it so she could move on.  I loved reading about how she was able to think critically about her family and come to a place of understanding.  I think my favorite part of the book (without giving away too much) is when she had an opportunity to repeat a recurring mistake and instead of feeling right, she felt empty. 

Through her physical journey, she was able to make her way back to her true self, evolved by transitions and revelations.

I don't think it is currently in my life plan to hike the PCT alone, but I do think that I am in a transition of sorts. I am learning that it takes more courage to be honest with myself as opposed to a muted version that is more concerned with pleasing others.

I am making peace with things that didn't go so well in my life, and celebrating the things that did.

I am working on accepting other people's shortcomings, especially my own. 

Did you read Wild? What did you think?