Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Eve of My 32nd Year

Tonight is the eve of my 32nd birthday. I love birthdays, even mine! I like the idea of aging and gaining wisdom. I also enjoy looking how far I’ve come and where I am heading. This particular year, I’ve been doing some thinking about relationships. I have come to the conclusion that because a relationship typically involves another party, it is a ludicrous expectation for me to do all the work in order for the relationship to exist.

So this birthday, I am giving myself permission to live this year with a new set of rules. I will only care my share’s worth in a relationship* and not care the other person’s amount. I will not compromise myself or my kids or what I deem as healthy boundaries so the other person is not inconvenienced. I am not going to take on all the responsibility so there is a relationship because then it really isn’t one, just the illusion of one. It was a sad day when I realized that some people just aren’t that into me and my kids, or just more into themselves, but either way . . . I can leave the door open, the windows propped up, and give you the code to my garage door, but I can’t make you walk in and want to be a part of my life.

So here’s to my 32nd birthday! Cheers!

*I understand relationships are not always 50/50, sometimes they are 80/20. 60/40, but they should never always be 90/10, 100/0.


Aunt Becky said...

Happy Birthday, love!

Kendra said...

Am I a huge dork that I immediately thought of "Rocky Mountain High" lyrics?

He was born in the summer of his 27th year,
Coming home to a place he'd never been before.

Makes me think about constantly trying to be the best version of yourself, hopefully constantly getting closer to that "home" that is the best possible you. I hope that staying strong and true to yourself in your relationships gets you closer to that.

Happy birthday!

Erin Janda Rawlings said...

Thanks ladies!! You made my day!

LuLu and Moxley's Mom said...

Happy belated birthday. Much more wise at 32 than I am at ??? (okay 41).