Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Vancouver Trip: Deep Thoughts Part 1

Alternate Title: The Man vs. The Mom

My last post about Vancouver focused on the all the fun and happy thoughts because it was Feel Good Friday. However, I did have some observations that will be divided up into two posts. Yeah, who knew I’d have so many deep thoughts during a vacation.

Vacation vs. Business Trip
I actually misspoke when I said “vacation.” A “vacation” implies that I do what I want when I want to do it. This was not a vacation. It was a business trip for The Hubs, and a welcome, yet at times stressful, change of scenery for me. (And beautiful scenery at that). There was a business side to it for me since I had to go to a breakfast to meet all the other wives. Networking is hard enough when you all have something in common, say at BlogHer. Here there was a bit more navigating to find common ground.

Full-time Business World vs. Full-time Caregiver World
I got a glimpse into Harrington’s world. I used to think that when he was going out to entertain clients, he was drinking and carousing and having a fun time. Kind of like when we were in college, except with a tad bit more money. I would like to retract that uninformed opinion because I now see that he really is working. (Yes , it is out here, for all the Internet to see that I WAS WRONG). He and his clients aren’t sitting around talking about their kids or what happened on Jersey Shore or anything fun. Well, maybe fun for a little while to grease the wheels (more on that thought later). They are talking about business. One night, I went out with some clients whose wives were not with them. They were kind enough to take a break from business talk to discuss private schools versus public schools (a conversation I had had with one of the wives earlier that day). So that was nice, but I could sense I was getting in the way. And I was exhausted. And I don’t understand the jargon of The Business yet (which sound a bit organized crime-ish, but could not be further from that). So I excused myself to go to bed.

Although it seems like they are talking about sports and fun stuff, it’s really just to get down to business. And each person pushing their own agenda. Harrington often wonders why he’s so successful at work, but when he comes home, he can’t swing in and use his same successful work techniques. I think I can wrap up the answer up in two words: Agenda and Ego.

At work, he is constantly, yet subtly, pushing his own agenda. However, when raising kids and being of service to them, my own agenda is pretty much dropped. (And “being of service to them,” I don’t mean giving into their every whim, I mean giving of myself to them without expecting anything in return). My agenda, when it comes to them, is to help cultivate healthy, happy, and independent people. I’m not thinking about how I can get The Babes to do This or That so it benefits me. And not that Harrington is bad for thinking that way; in fact, I think that’s how one must think when functioning in the business world. His job is to make sure what he does benefits The Man.

But that’s not how raising kids works. Raising kids is all about what’s best for them. And what’s best is not always the most cost-effective, or the easiest, or the most time-efficient.

The whole ego thing is tied in there because when pushing a personal agenda, a person is thinking of themselves (or The Man). When a full-time caregiver’s main duty is to change poopy diapers, the ego fades pretty fast. I have a bit more to say about that here (scroll down to #3).

And please don’t mistake this as martyrdom. I have this one friend who always says, “It’s all about the kids. I don’t ever have time to go on the computer or talk on the phone or take a shower because they always need something. And I’m happy to do that. Because that’s what I am. A Mom. ” I totally don’t buy that, but that’s a post for another time. I believe that anyone who is of service to others needs to refill the tank. I blog. I think that’s pretty obvious that I am a strong believer in Me Time.

In fact, my next post goes to demonstrate that exact thing.


So, Friends, what deep thoughts (or shallow, no discrimination here) are you thinking today?

1 comment:

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Today I am wondering where all of my time goes. I need to re-focus and set up a new schedule.