What I’m Reading: Wild by Cheryl Strayed

 Since both kids have been in school all day, I have rediscovered my love for reading. I have read over six books since September.  I have not done that since Marie was born nine years ago.

I forgot how therapeutic it is to become totally absorbed in someone else’s story.  I love the feeling of being transported to a new place and seeing life from someone else’s viewpoint, yet finding myself at the same time.

I’m really drawn to books about self-discovery right now.  For me, having kids has really forced me to figure out who I am and what I stand for.

That is why I love Wild. She was out there alone on the Pacific Crest Trail, mostly in silence to figure out who she really was.

 Away from her circumstances.

 Away from her vices. 

Away from her sadness.

With the beautiful and challenging backdrop of the Pacific Crest Trail, Cheryl was able to take an honest look at her life, the good and the bad, and make sense of it so she could move on.  I loved reading about how she was able to think critically about her family and come to a place of understanding.  I think my favorite part of the book (without giving away too much) is when she had an opportunity to repeat a recurring mistake and instead of feeling right, she felt empty. 

Through her physical journey, she was able to make her way back to her true self, evolved by transitions and revelations.

I don't think it is currently in my life plan to hike the PCT alone, but I do think that I am in a transition of sorts. I am learning that it takes more courage to be honest with myself as opposed to a muted version that is more concerned with pleasing others.

I am making peace with things that didn't go so well in my life, and celebrating the things that did.

I am working on accepting other people's shortcomings, especially my own. 

Did you read Wild? What did you think?

January: Burn Out and the Creative Process

Oh, January, you are such a difficult month.

At first, I feel exhilarated by a new start.  I am inspired by the clarity of my vision for my new year. I am overcome with motivation- I will accomplish all of my goals/intentions now!  Yay! Let’s go!

Somewhere in all of that fervor, I became derailed.  My energy is not there; I am still recovering from the Thanksgiving/Christmas whirlwind. There is something about that intense energy of producing a holiday and making sure there are *happy* memories that is exhausting. January seems like the right time to cozy up on the couch and recover.

Except life keeps marching on. There is homework that needs to be done. Swim practice to attend.  Deadlines to meet. 

And then that all goes to the wayside when someone gets sick. 

I started to feel really sad and numb, and then scared because I wasn’t sure how to pull out of this.  I mean, just four months ago I felt awesome – kids both in school, working from home, blogging, writing.  Just remembering that feeling helped to put these sad, slumpy feelings into perspective.

I was experiencing burnout.

I think as much as I love working from home, I do feel that there is this pressure to always be hustling.  If I’m not grading papers, managing a client, or creating content for myself, then I am doing laundry, grocery shopping, and running the kids around.  The busier I am, the more worthy I feel.  And this is no way to live (and probably deserves its own blog post).

So I took a week off from blogging to recharge the creative batteries.

I took the kids to see Annie, I went to see Selma, and then went to the movies for a third time that week to see American Sniper.  I didn’t just stop there.  I binge-watched Olive Kitteridge on HBO.  I just soaked in each story, enjoying the complicated characters and their intricate stories.  It was nice just to be still and listen.

Being so goal orientated, I often brush aside the cues my body gives me that I’m overextending myself.  I wanted to spark my creativity without the pressure of results.  I decided to finish the collages that Elizabeth Gilbert talked about onFacebook.

Post by Elizabeth Gilbert.

 This quote sums up the project:

This isn't exactly a vision board (although I do think vision boards are a useful exercise.) It's a lot more random than that. It's not about calling in things or goals or dreams. It's more about how I want to FEEL, than about what I want to ACHIEVE. Mostly, it's just about colors and images that appeal to me for reasons that I do not overthink. I just start cutting and then I start gluing, and I trust the process.
When it's over, I have my visual/emotional wish for the New Year.

It was fun to clip the images that I liked without overanalyzing anything, just working from instinct. Then I arranged my images, and it was very clear that I had two separate things going on here: bold images about self-discovery and soft, clean, cozy images with lots of green and white.

I think this is a pretty accurate depiction: going on a journey of self-discovery, nurturing my dreams, and finding inner peace - pretty much what I hope to find in 2015.

Or maybe I just really want a garden, a cozy Pottery Barn bed, and a cruiser bike.

Either way, I think I am ready to move past this bump in the road.

How are you feeling this month?  Does January have you down?  What do you do to get yourself feeling happy again?

The Life You Want Weekend with Oprah

 This weekend I went to the Life You Want Weekend presented by Oprah Winfrey.  It was ah-mazing. Not like this pistachio froyo is amazing. Amazing as in empowering and validating.

To be truthful, I really wanted to go because I wanted to hear Elizabeth Gilbert speak. I said in my last blog post that I have been reading (and rereading) a lot self-discovery journey stories.

I have been dawn to them probably because I, myself, have been on my own journey of self -discovery, or as Elizabeth Gilbert called it, The Quest.  She detailed how there are certain elements that everyone will experience when she can no longer ignore her destiny.  First of all, there is The Threshold. Once one crosses over The Threshold, she can never go back to the way life was before.  Once the journey begins, it is not smooth sailing.  The person on the quest faces all kinds of hurdles: Self-doubt, doubt in faith, tricksters, enemies that are really friends.  It can be confusing and unsettling, but in the end, you get to live life as you were truly meant to live it.  That is a pretty amazing accomplishment.

I really needed to hear this.  My quest has been full of bumps and pitfalls, some of my own doing, some just collateral damage of going on a quest.  Thankfully, Elizabeth addressed this saying that she used to pray for her life to change, yet without making a mess.  She stated that this is pretty impossible, and I felt grateful for that bit of knowledge about The Quest.

But as Iyanla Vanzant said, "If you made it through the past, you passed. You don't need to pass with an A." She said that sometimes you pass with an F for faith.  I'll take it.

She also said, "Do not be loyal to things that are not good for you."  I needed to hear this because if you are going to commit to The Quest, you can’t hold on to your negative baggage.

Such a simply concept to understand, but super hard to actually do.

Between what Iyanla and Elizabeth, I was overcome by sense of validation.  The Quest is not easy.  Letting go of drama and not being loyal to things that no longer serve you is not easy.

And that is OK.

I also walked away with the urge to practice mediation on a regular basis.  It seems that each of Oprah's trailblazers meditate.  It is hard to listen to the universe if you can't quiet the mind. So as of Monday, I will be meditating everyday.  I will tell you this; the first day was hard. So very hard. Hard as in I don't want to do it ever again.  Because I hate doing things that I'm not good at.  Oprah said that these icky feelings should not be viewed as negative; it should be viewed as information.  The information I gathered has led me to believe that I really need to practice meditation more often.

I am feeling grateful for this bright spot of inspiration.

Have you felt validated about something you are working on? Has anything inspired you lately? 

On Reading, Elizabeth Gilbert, Oprah, and The Life You Want Weekend

I love social media.  Love. It.  By giving me a platform to write and connect, social media really has transformed my life.  I have a new career teaching social media, writing, and my newest venture, working on the Hay There Social Media team.  I do all of this from the safety of my keyboard in my home (which is ideal since I am accepting that I am pretty much an introvert).

But the thin line between love and obsession has been blurred.

Instead of making something creative with my hands, I have logged in way too many hours on Pinterest.

Instead of getting lost in a book, I am endlessly scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Knowing that I was using social media escape as my escape instead reading was my most alarming observation. 

I realized this on my last birthday, almost a year ago.  I had been pining for Signature of All Things written by my favorite author, Elizabeth Gilbert.  I started reading, and couldn’t do it.  I felt overwhelmed with the fact that it was 499 pages long.

I’m not stranger to long books! Was the 140 character model of Twitter was melting my brain?!

I felt defeated and kind of out of sorts. Kind of like the time when I started the Couch to 5K program: I thought I was in awesome shape until Week 2.  I was out of breath running for five minutes. This spurred a minor identity crisis.

I was not comfortable with this choosing Facebook over actual books, especially at night, which, left me feeling not well rested at all.  So this summer, I tried reading Signature of All Things again.

I had to read slowly at first since the story took place in the 1800s.  The beautifully constructed sentences that created an intriguing plot, a vivid setting, and multidimensional characters were a far cry from the status updates I normally read.

I forgot how therapeutic it could be to become utterly lost in a story.  I loved how I could identify with a fictional character from a different time period, reminding me that we are all on a path of self-discovery.

As I muscled through the book, my love for reading was reignited.  I took that fire and read Poser by Claire Dederer.  As I read about how yoga helped her make sense of the seismic shift that takes place during motherhood, I felt comforted that I was not the only one who had found her long, lost breath in a dimly lit yoga studio.

And then started reading Eat Pray Love for the second time because this book will always be the mother of all self-discovery books.

Well, that and a little something called The Life You Want Tour, in which Oprah is technically the main attraction.  However, when I head that Elizabeth Gilbert was going to be there, I knew that I must go.

I missed an opportunity to see her at Wayne State College during her promotional tour for Signature of All Things.  Something was going on with the kids or Harrington was out of town.  I don’t remember.  The dread of missing my favorite author speak still gnaws at me, much like the time I decided to study for a test instead of going to see the Violent Femmes my senior year of high school.

I may have seats in the upper bowl and I may need a telescope to see the stage, but I am so excited to finally hear Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who has inspired me to find the courage to chase happiness, talk in person.

Thank you, Elizabeth Gilbert, for reminding me how much I not only love reading, but that I need it in my life.

Do have an activity that you love that has been tossed to the wayside?  What was it?  Were you able to find it again?