I love Christmas, and it was good (for the most part), but I am totally OK with getting back into a regular routine. Well, whatever regular is going to be now that I work one night a week teaching that social media strategy for business class.
I am just a mashup of emotions regarding this new venture. Seriously, I have not been so excited/nervous/guilty all at once. My internal monologue goes a little something like this: “Yea! I get a break and trying something new and exciting!”/”Wonder if I am horrible and this ends in epic failure?”/”I’m leaving my kids! Wonder if they feel neglected. Or wonder if they are too excited that I am leaving for one night a week. I never thought of that. Ahhhh!”
That last thought combined with teaching and blogging for my site and contributing to other sites and raising a family, I start to feel a deep and fast tidal wave of guilt crash over me. I decided that I needed something other than yoga once a week to keep my sanity from washing out with the tide, something I can while I am getting the kids ready for school or cooking dinner.
On New Year’s Day, I read one of my favorite blogs, Flourish in Progress. If you are not reading this blog, then you must stop what you are doing and add it to your reader. Elizabeth’s blog post mentioned her word phrase for 2013. It wasawesome. And she ended the post with a question, “What would your word or phrase be for 2013?”
As the gifted, thought-provoking writer that she is, I was stuck in thought for quite some time. The question floated in my brain, struggling for direction.
My usual response to reflective question is typically something to do with my personal boundaries. But since this is a new year, I felt that I needed to mix it up and keep things interesting.
I pondered about all sorts of themes: meditation,acceptance, patience. Nothing seemed just right.
And then, when I stopped thinking about it, The Motto for 2013 ran across my mind like a huge, lighted billboard.
I am going to trust myself that I am going to listen to that tiny, whisper of a voice in my head.
I am going to trust myself that I will honor my priorities and not cave to make others happy.
Every time that I’ve been disappointed, hurt or let down it’s because I ignored my instincts and didn’t trust myself. I often let the fear of letting others down dictate my choices. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I trusted myself and not let fear be the ruler.
So let it be known – in 2013, I hope not to wonder anymore. . .
. . . because I will