Mommy on the Spot: Grateful

Ever since Marie and Thomas started school today, I feel our days have been slowly building this momentum that has transformed into a whirlwind.

Well, I’d like to blame it all on the kids, but that is not totally the truth. I have some developments happening in my life that have me feeling excited yet completely nervous. I am working up the nerve to write about it, because even though they have been in the works and swirling around my head for quite some time, once I write it here, it is for real. And that is scary.

I think the holidays have me feeling a bit preoccupied, too. A lot of my recent posts have been about restructuring boundaries and finding the courage to do what is right for me and my family. Nothing like constant barrage of family gatherings to put all that work to the test. Luckily, most of these functions have a wonderful spread of food so that I can sufficiently eat my feelings.

Instead of facing these stressors in an honest and healthy way like going to yoga or meditating, I have been running as fast as I can away from them. I have found an unhealthy obsession with Photoshop has been the perfect medium for my avoidance. I stay up late working on photos for a Christmas project, and then I get up early to work out (because I want to prepare myself for the nervous eating that will inevitably take place). And then I work on some more photos while Thomas eats his breakfast and watches ~~some~~ a lot TV.

It’s hard to stay present when I’m feeling anxious, but looking back at this year’s photos, I am reminded how grateful I am for my children. Raising these little people is not easy. In fact, it’s the direct opposite of easy. Every day presents its own challenge usually centered on some sort of patience endurance exercise.

But I am grateful for those challenges because they have given me the courage and the strength to try and become the person I have always hoped I could be.

I feel softer around the edges, yet stronger in my core beliefs.