** Before I get into the post, I just want to send everyone a deep, sincere thank you for voting for me on Skinny Scoop’s Top 25 Mom Bloggers of 2012. I came in fourth place! I am so excited. Thanks, everyone, for your support!**
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Did I ever tell you the time I almost shut my blog
down?
It was this winter, and we were sick for three
months. Raising kids takes a lot of
energy, but taking care of them when they are sick leaves little energy for
anything else. (Especially since they
were really good at sharing their germs with me). I was becoming so emotionally drained that I
was starting to feel depressed.
But I grit my teeth and pushed on through with
maintaining my blog. I was determined to
not give up on something that brings me so much joy.
Determination: it’s one of my best traits. It helped me get through this winter. It helps me make the best, most informative
choices I can make when raising my kids (especially when it came to their
various health issues).
Determination has seen me through the not-so-good
times in my marriage and has not allowed me to give up on myself and my dreams.
Determination has served me well.
Until it doesn’t.
Because the flip side of determination is stubbornness.
For every time determination has helped me,
stubbornness has bit me in the ass.
Hard. (And not in a 50 Shades of
Grey kind of way. Ew).
Like the time I was *not* going to leave target without
a bike helmet for Marie. An employee
from the Electronics Department knew absolutely nothing about fitting bike
helmets. When he told me they were by
age, I quickly cut him off because that is not always the case. He replied by telling me to Google it.
Google it?! I
may have communicated in a somewhat assertive manner that he should do more to
help me. And next thing I know, I am
being followed by Target security detail.
Or the summer after I graduated college and was teaching
summer school English to a bunch of 18-20 year olds. (Note: I was only 21 years old). I was
going to follow the rules and teach my favorite subject. I was enthusiastic! I was excited! I was determined to be successful!
Until one student didn’t follow the rules and was
about to fail which, in turn, would have delayed his graduation date . Instead of just making up the work, he took
the most *logical* step: he threatened to kill me.
Or the time when I was getting too comfortable
around a difficult family member and I let my boundaries get a little soft and
mushy. I was determined to make this
relationship work. People were counting
on me, for Christ’s sake!
Determination got in the way of reality. And when reality checked in, it checked in
hard. And loud. And nasty.
I knew the situation could be compared to a ticking time bomb. But determination flipped into stubbornness
and I made a bad choice.
Determination is like a super power and should be
only used for good. And wisely.
I walk a fine line between determination and
stubbornness. The good side of the trait
has given me strength I didn’t know I had, yet the flip side has taken me down
some very dark paths.
Do you teeter between a positive trait and the dark
flip side?