Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tasmanian Devil vs. Mama Bear, Revisited

I originally wrote this post just over two years ago.  Interesting how little has changed with this situation in this time.  I think it’s time to repost it along with a few new outlooks.
I tried to think of clever and entertaining ways to evict these ramblings from my mind and make room for new tenants, but I couldn’t.  The thing is that I’m too upset, and the situation is too fresh for any witty repartee. 
There’s a person who I’m forced to co-exist with, and I do not like it.  At all.  This person’s energy is like a freakish cyclone, not in a physical way, but in a manipulative, pushy kind of way.  I would describe this overwhelming and domineering person to the Tasmanian Devil.  I’m not usually a sheep that follows the herd, but in the person’s presence, I’ve been known to exhibit some uncharacteristic behavior, such as putting my credit card number on sketchy websites or committing to social events that were not in the best interest in my family. 

All because I allowed myself to get swept up in the Taz’s flurry of energy. 

I started to notice this was getting out of control when Taz was getting all self-entitled and ownership-y with my babes.  MY BABES!!  My Mommy Alarm System started sounding off, subtly at first and then LOUD, RED FLASHING ALARMS AND LIGHTS.  Taz met its match when it messed with Mama Bear.  Then I started to say no.  Often, but not in a confrontational way (because I knew it would be wasted breath, and I just wanted some space without a discussion).  I redefined my personal boundaries and honored my gut feelings.  However, recently, I started to let this person back in because I thought my shiny, new, boundaries were not only strong enough, but were clearly communicated. 

My hope was we could move forward in a healthier direction. 

So I give an inch, and Taz wants the whole damn mile.  Or 10.  Or whatever.  It is now clear to me that Taz has no intentions of ever changing and respecting a parent’s duty to set boundaries.
So to put it bluntly, I’m pissed.  I’m pissed that Taz can’t or won’t understand boundaries and basic rules of engagement.  I’m pissed that a Mama Bear doing her job looks like The Bitch.  I’m even more pissed that I care how I am perceived.

But my bottom line is this: I will never apologize for decisions that are made in the best interests of my children, nor will I apologize for staying true my maternal instincts and values.


How do you deal with people who do have no regard for the boundaries you have determined for your family?


Kaye said...

Probably the wrong one to answer that last question, but here I go anyway. I don't have children, but I love my family and sometimes I clash with them for whatever reason. I always confront the problem head on. "Have I done something to upset you?" They'll play dumb always do "No, why?" That opens it up for a full on discussion. Human nature says if you push, I push the other way harder so I don't fall. That's honestly what the "no" you stated is doing. If you confront though, it's more like turning around and facing the person trying to push you and holding them instead. It's worked for me in the past. Besides that, you aren't a bitch for feeling or responding the way you are. Good luck. Hope it helps.

Mommy on the Spot said...

Thanks! Sometimes I do feel like a bitch, but you are right, I'm not!