Baby Clothes and the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I’m going to cut right to the chase since I am challenging myself to write this in 30 minutes or less (or until nap time ends, whichever comes first). Plainly said, I hate baby clothes with silly or stupid sayings on them. I think it speaks volumes about the parents since the poor babe who is forced to wear such monstrosities has no say. And yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Perhaps it’s my English teacher mind always analyzing the meaning of the text. Whatever. Here’s my arsenal of offenders:




I received this as a “gift” when I found out I was pregnant with my first. Maybe this is where the hate affair began. I think this is tacky since my take is that it is implying that having a child results in money. Last time I checked, the $500ish that we received for having a baby barely covered diaper/food expenses let alone doctor visits. I just think it’s annoying.









When I was expecting Marie, I was bothered by all the diva and princess shit out there. I felt like it was priming girls to be like Paris Hilton. Why put that out there? And when I was expecting Thomas, it was even worse. There were all these shirts about Mommy’s Lil’ Monster. Maybe I was extra sensitive about it because everyone said having a boy would be hard and frustrating and not at all like having a sweet, little girl (who apparently could be trained to be a diva). If parents are buying into this, then is it not only setting them up to act like that, but also accepting bad behavior later on in life? If the girl is demanding, it’s justifiable because isn’t she just a cute, lil’ diva . . . at 13 years of age? Or if that boy is a bully in school, it’s ok because he’s mommy’s lil’ monster? I know that’s making a big jump, but I saw a lot of bad behavior when I was teaching junior high, and the parents were so blasé about it. They just accepted it because well, they’re just kids. (Kids that probably wore stupid onsies because parents thought it was cool and had no awareness about the under currents of their parenting philosophy).



The first time I saw this saying on a shirt was when I was shopping for Thomas before he was born. I found this adorable collection of brown and blue onsies and on one of them said, “Property of Mom’s Forever.” Yikes! Yes, let’s make sure your son feels so loved (I mean suffocated) that he either can’t make a decision for himself because you are too much in his face or he hates you for not giving him his space. People- as- property is never a good idea. Connection, moms, not enmeshment!



This shirt is ridiculous. I hope the $12.50 was worth it because the therapy bill for the lesser of the siblings is going to need about 150 times more than that.





The Grandma onsies bother me because they are just cheesy. Seriously, if anyone is calling Grandma, it’s me because I need a break.




I know someone who received this t-shirt as a gift because the father was always telling his baby to calm down. Everyone (except me) thought it was funny because “isn’t it funny that daddy is always telling you to calm down, but your shirt tells him to calm down. Don’t you get it? Isn’t it funny and ironic?” Yes, so ironic I don’t know why Alanis Morrisett didn’t add as a lyric to her song “Isn’t That Ironic?”



The first time I saw this one, I was at story time with my daughter. I thought that was by far the tackiest shirt on someone less than 4 feet tall. Ironically enough, this mother had two boys. And furthermore, he couldn’t sit through story time or share the trains at the train table to save his life. So yes, I guess we’ll see who does get locked up.

The next few I believe need no explanation.










If you crave more stupid baby/toddler clothing stories, check out LuLu and Moxley’s Mom. She wrote two compelling commentaries, one about southern male toddlers and another involving jeans and cowboy boots. She is also writing for WEBSITE. She’s amazing and always makes me laugh.

Happy Friday!