Haters Gonna Hate, Makers Gonna Make

Have you ever had your child, so full of hope and light, come to you with a situation in which an adult did not practice kindness?  And  instead of ranting with a colorful assortment of 4-letter words, you come up with a brilliant bit of advice that just sparkles in all of that muckiness?

The other day, Marie decided she wanted to start a business and sell her drawings. Not one to crush that entrepreneurial spirit, I told her to stay on our street  and to take her brother with her.   This was the first time I let them leave the yard without me – yikes

They returned with no art, a snack size zip lock bag full of change, and their eyes twinkling with pride.

I was surprised when, days later, Marie talked about a person who was not want to buy her art. 

“You know,” she reflected, “there was only one person who said he didn’t my want art.  He said that he had enough art and would not be needing anymore.” 

She didn't look wounded, just puzzled as to how someone would not feel compelled to want her creations.

I really only had one thing to say:

“Haters gonna hate.  Makers gonna make.”

Marie said that she needed clarification, so I added this, "Some people are not happy and are uncomfortable when other people's happiness glows from within. They try to take the shininess away so everyone is dull and unhappy like them- these people are the haters. But people who create things because it makes them happy - these are the makers. And their glow should never be dimmed. Haters gonna hate, and makers are going to make."

Soon after this, I had a run in with my own hater. This person did not practice kindness when talking about my very first appearance on live TV.  Because I was nervous to be on TV, I was super proud of this moment; yet I could feel shame and doubt starting to snuff out my light.  And to make matters worse, this happened in front of my kids.  I think the universe was testing me to see if I was listening to my babbling attempts to instill wisdom into my child.

I was listening because that’s when it hit me – I am a maker.  I make things with love.  Haters are not down with that.  Ever.  And then I remembered Marie’s reaction to her hater.

Marie looked at her hater with confusion because she could not fathom how somebody would  not want a drawing that she loved so much.  She was not second-guessing if her drawings were good.  She wasn’t looking for validation; she was looking to share.  Her light remained bright in the shadows of the hater.

 That’s when I decided that I was not going to allow myself to feel small.  I was not going to let my light dim.  I *can’t* let my light dim.  If there is one thing I hate more than a hater, it’s a hypocrite.

So I may choose to hang this in my office, my bathroom, maybe even tattoo it to my wrist, but I have to remember this when people are mean.

Conversation Starter: Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Listening to the radio is a great conversation starter, especially when the songs piqué the kids' curiosity.

Some songs make me cringe.

Here is an excerpt of a conversation when we were at home listening to radio when Daft Punk’s song Get Lucky started to play:

Marie: What does it mean to "get lucky?" 

Me: Hmm, that's a tough one. I'm not sure. Probably when you think the bag of M &M's is empty, but you shake it really hard and a few more come out. You got lucky because you thought the bag was empty, but there were some extras hiding in there.

Here is another excerpt when a little song by Robin Thicke’s comes on the radio. Maybe you heard of it. It is called Blurred Lines

Thomas: Why are the lines all blurry?

 Me: Hmm, I'm not sure. What do you think? (trying to deflect)

 Thomas: I don't know. That is why I'm asking you.

 Me: Probably means blending colors together like when we make chalk drawings. Or someone is not clearly communicating something and the person gets confused what his friend is talking about.

These songs generally many me crabby because I do not like bending the truth about anything (although I make the obvious exceptions to keep Christmas and other holidays fun). I do not think never turning on the radio is a good strategy since Marie can hear it on the bus. And I don't want to not answer because I'm pretty sure if I don't come up with a good answer, Marie will just double check my explanation on Google.

But when a song like Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’s song Same Love comes on the radio, I am incredibly grateful for a chance to talk about something I didn't know how to bring up.

Marie: What is this song about?

 Me: (deep breath) It is about how some people are not allowed to marry each other. Some families are made of a daddy and a mommy. But some families are made up of two daddies or two mommies. Some people think that is not ok.

 Marie: Why?

 Me: Some people think they have a right to tell someone whom they can and cannot marry. Could you imagine how sad you would feel if someone told you that you couldn’t marry and start a family with someone you love?

 Marie: That would be sad. Someone did say on the bus it was illegal.

 Me: It is in some places, but people are trying I change that.We should accept people as they are and allow them to marry whom they want.

 Marie: Yes. (Very thoughtful pause) But I like his Cadillac song better.

Marie is not one for slow songs, but I am hoping that this conversation seeps down deep into her unconscious and becomes a part of her.  I hope because it came up so naturally, the idea of accepting others is just as natural.

Thank you, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis for a conversation I wanted to have but didn’t know how to start.

What pop songs have started conversations with your kids?