Thursday, December 5, 2013

Thanksgiving Turkey Recap to the Raw Poultry Dare




I just wanted to give myself (and those hanging on the edge of their seats) a little closure about cooking the turkey for the Thanksgiving.

I waited this long a.) to make sure no one had any delayed serious and/or fatal cases of salmonella poisoning, and b.) manhandling a 21.4-pound beast is exhausting. 

At first, I was super nervous. Looking at this thing was like staring long and hard at your biggest fear.

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare


But I lifted it into the sink and got to work.

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare
Yikes!


Please Note the rubber glove was worn out of safety since I took a chunk off my thumb while preparing roasted root vegetables, not because I was scared.


Hey, little known fact about turkeys: there is a metal wire holding it together which is damn near impossible to take out. My mom, who was assisting, told Harrington, who was photo documenting, to do it. I shut that shit down. When I commit, I commit the whole way. So after I yanked that metal piece out, I lathered up that bird in an olive oil paste of garlic, sage, thyme, and rosemary.

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare
The smile says, "Gross, but totally doing it! Yay me!"


See, here I am separating the skin from the meat because what good is the flavor if it is only on he outside. (See, I commit all the way).

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare
Look at the look of concentration. Maybe I missed my chance at being a surgeon. Or a butcher.
Also, please don't judge the scruntchie.  I needed my hair out of my face
and still look good later that day.


Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare

Then I popped it in the oven and put the electronic thermometer in the correct spot (or so I thought).

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare


I washed my arms like I was scrubbing in for surgery.

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare


And bleached the kitchen (along with my soul).

Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare


I started to get nervous because the bird was cooking so fast. I kept on turning the oven down and down. And let the bird rest. And it wasn't done. So long story short, my mom and my mother-in-law were ripping the legs of the turkey to pop back in the oven. 

Pink juices were flowing onto my counter.

I repeat: Pink juices were flowing onto my counter.

Luckily, I was preoccupied with obsessing about the rest of the bird and drinking my wine, because obviously.

While obsessing, I notice that part of the breast near the bone was questionable so I popped it in the oven and had more wine.

And proceeded to make the most amazing gravy ever.

I put the rest of the stuff on the table. I kept mashed potatoes warm with this trick.

Boom.
Raw Turkey Thanksgiving Mommy on the Spot raw chicken dare




And everyone lived happily ever after without any trips to the ER. The end.

Afterwards:
There is this weird thing about facing a life long fear and surviving. I thought I would only feel joy and triumph. But I feel kind of pissed I spent that much time being scared. And then I felt sad that I was that sick with OCD and didn't even know it. I just thought it was normal since I wasn't totally and completely destroying my life.  

Don't get me wrong, there was a feeling of accomplishment, but I was taken off guard by the other feelings.

Have you ever conquered a fear only to feel sad?

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