My younger cousin just got married this weekend. The ceremony and reception took place in this charming barn and the rustic theme was carried out beautifully. Marie also happened to be the flower girl.
Having been married over nine years and two kids later, I was feeling very nostalgic. My cousin, who stood up in my wedding, was now walking down the aisle, and my daughter, who was just a glimmer in my eye at the time, was her flower girl. It was very surreal.
I remember my wedding and process of planning such an event very clearly. Almost too clearly. And I have to say, although I was marrying the love of my life, it was not the happiest of times.
First of all, it was a HUGE transition going from living alone for a large portion of my early twenties to living with someone and compromising on everything. EVERYTHING! We had to compromise where went to the grocery store. We had to compromise what we ate for dinner. We had to compromise what kind of toothpaste we had to buy. I felt like every time I turned around, BOOM, another compromise. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the same tools I have today to deal with such change and compromise. Thank you very much, blogging, yoga and therapy.
Second of all, Harrington’s parents were in the middle of a non-amicable divorce. I won’t bore you with all the salacious details, but it’s hard enough to get two *totally* different family cultures to coexist; however, it becomes infinitely more difficult when one family had a hard time being in the same room together.
Third of all, my boundaries at the time were not as strongly defined as they are now. It is possible (and by possible, I really mean probable) that I *may* have been swept up in the type of wedding all my friends were having, along with expectations of my family traditions.
As imperfect as it was (although you would never know it from all the shiny, red carpet-esque photos that were taken that day), it was a good representation of who I was nine years ago: young, people-pleasing, romantic, and *slightly* self-involved (but what twenty-something bride doesn’t get a little me-centric while planning an event in which, traditionally, she is viewed as the star). (On a related note, I may not be as well-rested as I was in my early to mid-twenties, but these kids do a damn good job of making me feel grounded).
Having said that, if I was granted a redo of our wedding day, I would have taken the money given to us to pay for the reception and build a better nest egg (especially, if I knew the economy would drop the value of our house so much. Ick).
Instead I would plan a simple, yet elegant cake and champagne reception. No drama over traditions, protocol, and family issues. No months and months of stress over flowers and food. Maybe we could focus on how we wanted to be as a married couple instead of worrying about a seating chart for a party.
Ah, damn you, hindsight for being so 20/20!
We will be married ten years this August. So maybe this would be a good time for a redo.
Is there anything different that you would do at your wedding?