Anyway, enough of the formalities. Who is to thank for this great, new look? Lyndsay at Paper Dahlia Design Co. She is incredibly talented, nice, smart, and funny. She is also very reliable. Lyndsay is very easy to work with. Did I mention that she reasonably priced as well? Not only did I get this lovely new look complete with business cards, look how she delivered it to me:
I LOVE her! Lyndsay is the total package; creative and organized. She exceeded my expectations. Check her out at http://www.mydahliadesign.com/ Go to this site to check out what the whole finished product looks like.
As talented and awesome and creative as Lyndsay is, I don’t think she realized what her service really did for me. I didn’t even expect the feelings that came along with opening that beautifully wrapped box of business cards and media disk, along with coordinating tissue paper and satin bow. When I looked at those cards, it was like I was seeing myself in a whole different light. There it was, in pink and turquoise, I am committing to this path of freelance writer/ blogger. I felt like I wasn’t on the fence about trying this new path; I am on it.
I have mixed feelings about this adventure. I am excited to finally be pursuing a lifelong dream of writing. I am scared because I don’t really know what I am doing. It’s not like I am in college and can haul myself to the guidance counselor to make sure I am taking the right classes to finish The Goal of Graduation. To feed into the scared and insecure feeling is the fact that some people don’t really get blogging and freelance writing. Here is a conversation at a local shop that I was hoping to buy a business card holder for these new awesome cards:
Snooty Shop Keeper: What is your new business?
Me: Well, it’s not actually a business. I blog. I am also working on getting published as a freelance writer.
Snooty Shop Keeper: Oh, Mommy on the Spot. I have heard of stuff like this. It’s where other mommies get together and offer advice, right?
Me: Well, not really. I don’t offer advice on my blog. Mine is more of a personal blog.
Snooty Shop Keeper: (sniff) Well, that’s nice. (as she hands me back my card, with a tight lipped smile while desperately looking around her empty store for something else to look at other than my eyes).
Me: Well, I didn’t want any of your gaudy crap anyway because it’s ugly. My 4 year old daughter can do a better job gluing bling to this piece of junk. And it would come minus the elitist attitude. So suck it, Snooty Shop Keeper!
Well, I may have just said that last part in my head, but I like to think that sentiment was relayed when I handed her piece of shit business card holder back to her while I mumbled something about going to check another store.
Well, along with all self-doubt is a healthy dose of guilt. I feel t a nagging twinge that I even have the desire to pursue something other than being a mom. Writing this sentence sounds ridiculous, but the feeling can be overwhelming. It feels self-indulgent to be doing any of this; going to BlogHer, writing my opinions for the world to see (as if the world cares), getting business cards, even buying a new bra (for $10 nonetheless) since I hadn’t bought a new one for non-pregnant /non-nursing boobs in 6 years.
But I am going to ignore this voice that says my endeavors of self-discovery are silly. I am going to shut down that feeling that I don’t matter. Because I do. If I don’t take time to make sure that I am a person outside of care giving, then who am I? If nothing else, I want the Babes to feel deep down in their souls, when it’s time for them to leave the nest, I will be OK because I have taken care of me, too. I want them to feel the freedom that they deserve to be happy and do something that makes them feel alive.
So,Lyndsay, you gave me much more than a beautiful new look and a box of business cards. I feel that I got a license to follow thru on this dream of mine. If I ever feel like giving up, I just have to look at my card to remind me that I am Erin, Freelance Writer/Blogger.