The “L” Trifecta

I find a lot of things annoying: people who don’t use their turn signals, people who can’t text “OK,” just “K,” people who think “alot” is one word. I know those are all petty things, and I think they are annoying like Jon and Kate that just WILL NOT GO AWAY.

The “L” Trifecta is much deeper than some jerk that chooses not to signal his merging into my lane of traffic. The “L” Trifecta is a compilation of the three things that drive me so insane because they are the total opposite of what I value in life, my anti-values if you will. (They all start with the letter L, consequently).

Lying
I like to think that lying comes in shades, usually in the best interest not to hurt someone’s feelings. Example: Of course those peg-legged, acid wash jeans make your hips and butt look SMALLER! I also think there are different ways to lie, as well.

The Bold-Faced Lie – This is the lie that is the direct opposite of the truth. Example: “Hey, I heard you had a big St. Patrick’s Day party the other day. Why wasn’t I invited?” “Well, it wasn’t so much a big St. Patrick’s Day party as it was a small-ish gathering of friends. That everyone wore green. And drank green beer. So no, it definitely was not a St. Patrick’s Day party at all.”

Omission of the Truth – This is a lie because the person willingly chooses not to share pertinent information by just “accidently” leaving it out. I consider this very sneaky and therefore a lie. Example: “Well, I forgot to tell you this (even though we have seen each other very often), but we got married . . . two months ago. We didn’t tell you because we thought you’d be upset. Even though we have seen you many, many times during these eight weeks, we thought not telling you would be best (this is a double word score since this was a bold-faced lie they told themselves).

Subtle Lies/False Advertising – This is a lie in the fact that people are displaying one thing, but you know a very different thing is happening behind closed-doors. Example: The happy couple that splashes their shiny, happy faces and happy, doting comments to each other all over their social networking sites (so everyone can see) when you have inside information that there is something very much to the contrary happening when their fingers are bleeding from all their HAPPY updates. I find that these people also like to send out lengthy Annual Holiday Update Letters about how HAPPY and FABULOUS their year has been. As if. . . it were true.

Laziness
I am not talking about the kind of laziness where you just can’t bring yourself to dust your house or decide to buy lunchmeat for week’s worth of lunches AND dinner. (The deli guy, who must have only been 18 years old, commented on how much lunchmeat I was buying. When I told him it was for both lunches AND dinner, he said that everyone deserves a break. Nice). There are lots of ways to be lazy than a negligent housewife.

Laziness vs. Knowledge - I hate when people make a giant mistake and the recourse is so severe, instead of accepting responsibility, they claim “no one told me.” Example: “I didn’t know hives, mucus-y bowl movements, a rash, and projective vomit indicated an allergy. No one told me.” “I didn’t know giving my child Sprite on a regular basis was not healthy. No one told me.”
It’s like this vast sea of common knowledge was not only kept secret from them, but it was not their responsibility to discover it. Just ask them; they’ll tell you they didn’t know because no one told them.

Laziness in a Relationship - This one is a personal favorite. After carrying the full weight of a relationship, I stopped making calls. The person who was dishing the load complained about the stopped phone calls in which I reminded them that the phone works both ways. The comment was met with an awkward silence, in which I would’ve liked to have added a follow-up question, “Are your fingers broken, set in tiny little casts, which would inhibit your ability to dial my phone number?” (If you are curious to read more about this subject, read this).

Laziness and the Crowd – This is the kind of laziness where a person just goes with the flow because it’s easy, not necessarily a good thing. Example: There is a situation in which the crowd is doing one thing, and it is generally accepted as wrong and hurtful to someone innocent. Because it is easier, this person chooses not to say anything because a confrontation would require more effort and that is far less important that an innocent person’s feelings (especially if it is a young, optimistic child). That is a perfect segway into the third L in the trifecta . . .

Large-Scale Narcissism
I believe everyone has some degree of narcissism. I’m not talking about accidently turning a conversation about you because you have a similar experience that legitimately contributes to the discussion. I’m talking about making huge leaps and bounds to make a connection to the subject matter so that person can talk about his/herself. Example: Comparing a child’s visit to the pediatrician to talk about his developmental delays to a story about runaway teens you watched on Dr. Phil. Example: A little boy tells his aunt that he wants a dog. The aunt says sure. Even though the mom says no, the aunt brings the dog to the little boy’s home. And that dog that had no clearance to join the family lived for fourteen years! Ouch!

But it’s more complicated than just unwarranted gifts or infuriating conversations. It’s the kind of narcissism that skews reality so badly that the person cannot comprehend the concept of personal boundaries. This self-entitlement leads to controlling others, and they only care about making themselves feel good. It seems these types of people think others are an extension of themselves (which serves babies well, but somehow not as tolerable in adults). To these people I say, “Get a clue! It’s not all about you!”

So I would rather be called a bitch than a liar, lazy, or a large-scale narcissist. What are your anti-values? (And I want to hear all the juicy examples)!