As much as I would LOVE to talk about how Thomas will eat and not spit up (but won’t sleep) or how I feel my engorged milk ducts feel like they are going to explode, I need a break from all this reality to talk about an alternative reality; the reality of Jeff Lewis.
For those who don’t know who Jeff Lewis is, he is the main character of Bravo TV’s reality show Flipping Out. He is so neurotic, bossy, and over the top interior designer who used to flip houses. I LOVE him! He’s the kind of person who needs all his cupboards organized in alphabetical order while being aesthetically pleasing. He hires these assistants that he can boss around. Sidebar: When I see these assistants, and those of Kathy Griffin on My Life on the D-List, I think, “Damn, I missed my calling. I would be such a good assistant. At least if I was an assistant, it would be clear where I would be on the food chain of commands, unlike when I was a teacher.” But I digress.
What I love about Jeff is that he is unapologetic for being himself. He acts like his crazy way to order a drink for lunch (12% Sprite, 73% lemonade, and 15% ice tea or something neurotic like that) is totally justified. Being on the receiving end of that would be totally annoying, but being Jeff would totally rock!
This past episode he commented on his personal growth. Jenni, his assistant who is now dating after a horrible divorce, was suppose to go on a blind date later to only find out that he was in a relationship ready to be engaged. Jeff said that maybe he saw Jenny’s picture and wasn’t interested. He said he had grown because he would never say that to her face as he may have done in the past. Way to go, Jeff!
Here are a few examples when I could have been a bit more Jeff Lewis:
When Harrington was running late bringing home the chicken to the christening party because his Dad’s wife made them go all the way home to let the dog out I could have said, “I need the chicken here now, Harrington’s Dad. There is a house full of people, and we need to eat our 53% breast, 41% thigh, 12% drumstick, and 2% wing order NOW DAMN IT!”
When Marie wants to watch her 10th hour of Imagination Movers and screeches, “I don’t wanna turn off the TV! I could say, “It’s a great day at Mommy on the Spot’s office, and we can’t have this negative attitude. Please turn it around or go home.”
When Thomas doesn’t want to nap longer than 20 minutes, I could say, “I have you scheduled for an hour and a half nap. I need you to go back to sleep, and I’ll have my assistant come pick you up when you are done.”
Not to mention what I wouldn’t do for Zoila, his housekeeper! Please, Zoila, if you are looking for another house to clean and organize, consider me!! And Jenni, if you are looking for a new friend, I love you and how you can put up with Jeff’s shit with a smile! Please teach me!
Well, enough day dreaming (actually night dreaming, but since I’m not sleeping, it’s still day dreaming). Now off to pour myself a nice glass of wine, put some fresh cabbage leaves in my sports bra, and read Healthy Sleep Habit, Healthy Child.